


Caught Between The Landslide

by FuckThat_GetMoney



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28401699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuckThat_GetMoney/pseuds/FuckThat_GetMoney
Summary: Lexa thought back to that night and how she couldn’t keep her eyes off of Clarke. Everyone had started playing spin the bottle and to Lexa’s disbelief, Clarke’s eyes landed on hers. She had never forgotten the feeling of Clarke’s soft lips on her own and the way it had made her feel. It was like she had woken up from a sleepless dream. Unfortunately, Clarke was straight and was dating Finn, the typical college football jock, so the idea of being with Clarke had slipped her mind. Now that Clarke was back, Lexa found herself right back where she started, with a very drunk Clarke who happened to be in her bed.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa Woods pulled into the driveway of her apartment and quietly shut off the ignition of her sleek black BMW. She sat back in her seat and rhythmically drummed her fingers against the leather steering wheel, a beat that seemed to match the pace of her own heart. A million thoughts were running through her head as she stared up at the one place that she felt safe. 

This was her final semester of school and the last time that she would have to move back home. Lexa’s parents had died when she was away at boarding school, which started a period of time where her grief became unbearable. Her mother and father had left behind their company for her Uncle Gustus to run while Lexa was in school. It was under his condition that she stay with him until she finished her studies. Her Uncle had poured himself into his work and rarely acknowledged Lexa’s presence. Lexa stayed out of his way and tried to avoid as many company events as possible. She simply wanted nothing to do with it. She knew she should honor her father’s legacy and make plans to take over the company, but she was still dealing with his loss. 

Lexa quickly got out of the car and grabbed her leather duffle bag from the backseat. Quietly shutting the trunk, she walked up the familiar stone steps to her apartment and opened the door. She placed her keys in a ceramic dish and made her way into the kitchen.

“LEXA! It’s about time!” said Raven as she pulled her into a hug. Lexa smiled and looked around the room. Raven had been busy making drinks for the evening’s upcoming events. She had stayed at their apartment for the summer while she worked on an engineering research project. Lexa had met Raven in one of her sophomore year classes and they had been friends ever since. The two had been living in the apartment together for little over a year. It was filled with homey decorations that made Lexa feel warm inside and accepting in a way that she never had before, which was completely opposite of the cold stone palace she stayed at during break. 

“How was the drive up?” asked Raven, interrupting her thoughts. She watched as the girl continued mixing the drinks. 

“It was fine,” said Lexa as she scrolled through her messages. She had propped herself up on top of the counter and was absentmindedly swinging her legs. Lexa and Raven had an unspoken agreement to never ask about her home life. 

“Clarke’s coming back tonight,” said Raven softly. Lexa looked up in surprise before she quickly composed herself.

“Oh really?” she asked. Raven nodded. Clarke Griffin was Raven’s best friend and the one person who had always been in the back of Lexa’s mind. 

Lexa had first met Clarke at a party during the beginning of her junior year. Clarke had transferred to their school and was a semester ahead of Lexa. Lexa would never admit it to Raven, but she had always felt a pull towards Clarke. Her fierce blue eyes had remained etched permanently into her brain since the first night they met at a party. 

She thought back to that night and how she couldn’t keep her eyes off of Clarke all night. Everyone had started playing spin the bottle and to Lexa’s disbelief, Clarke’s eyes landed on hers. She had never forgotten the feeling of Clarke’s soft lips on her own and the way it had made her feel. It was like she had woken up from a sleepless dream. Unfortunately, Clarke was straight and was dating Finn, the typical college football jock, so the idea of being with Clarke had slipped her mind.

Things hit rock bottom at the end of their junior year when Clarke’s father unexpectedly passed away. Clarke hadn’t taken it so well and as a result had taken a medical leave of absence. She simply packed her bags and left everyone and everything behind, but not before leaving a path of destruction in her wake.

“So is she back for good?” asked Lexa as she looked down at her phone. Anya had called her to make sure that she had made it back safely. Anya was her cousin and one of the few family members she still talked to. She made a mental note to call her once she was upstairs in her room. 

“I suppose so. She registered for classes. She’s still on track to graduate with us since she was a semester ahead,” said Raven. 

“Well it will be nice to see her around again,” Lexa said in a neutral tone. “I'm going to unpack my stuff. Are we having people over?” She as she eyed the drinks. 

“Yeah, I'm throwing a bit of a welcome back party for Clarke. The Blakes are coming over. I'm assuming Jasper and Monty will come over too,” said Raven. Lexa nodded and walked up the stairs.

\------

Lexa unpacked her bags and quietly sat down on her bed. She wasn’t really in the mood for a party tonight. She just wanted to cuddle up in her bed and finish reading her philosophy book. It was her own way of celebrating the start of her last semester of college. She sighed and looked around her room. Everything looked exactly the same as when she had left it in December. Her room was fairly simple. She had a nice set of candles on her dresser followed by a wooden desk with a small array of books. Lexa liked keeping things simple. It made everything less complicated. 

She spent the next hour with her nose pressed up against a book. She had taken her contacts out and put her glasses on so that she would be more comfortable. She could hear the party starting downstairs so she decided to read to ease her mind. The words started to blur past her as she quickly drifted off into a nightmarish sleep. 

Lexa didn’t know that she had fallen asleep until she was startled by a loud thud outside of her bedroom door. Her shirt was covered in sweat and her heart was beating frantically. She put her book down and quickly peeked her head out of her door to see what was going on.

Two girls were hovering over a very drunk looking blonde who had slumped against the wall. 

“Why is she so heavy,” groaned Harper. 

“Party Girl Griffin has made her long awaited return,” huffed Monroe. Harper and Monroe had dropped Clarke Griffin outside of her bathroom. The two girls were staring at each other as if they didn’t know what to do next. 

“I feel so sick,” groaned Clarke. Her hair was covering her face and she looked like an absolute mess. 

“She’s gonna blow. I didn’t sign up for this. Where’s her boyfriend,” said Monroe. Harper shrugged and pulled her away. 

“Let’s go before anyone sees us. Griff will be fine,” said Harper. Monroe nodded and the two girls walked away. Lexa frowned and quietly walked out of her room to kneel down next to Clarke.

“Clarke, are you okay?” whispered Lexa as she gently shook her shoulder. Clarke slumped against the wall and groaned. She gently picked Clarke up from the ground and carried her into the bathroom. 

Lexa would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed that the first time seeing Clarke was when she was almost passed out drunk. The Clarke that was in her arms was almost unrecognizable from the Clarke that she had first met. Her eyes were dark and hollow. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” whispered Lexa. She placed Clarke down next to the toilet and pulled her hair back as she emptied her stomach into the basin. 

“What the fuck did I drink tonight,” moaned Clarke as she rested her head against the toilet. Lexa looked down at her watch and saw that it was almost 2 in the morning.

“Clarke, how long have you been drinking?” asked Lexa in a worried tone. Clarke seemed to register that she wasn’t with Monroe and Harper anymore.

“Lexa?” questioned Clarke. “What a pleasant surprise.” Clarke lazily smiled up at Lexa and then quickly covered her mouth with her hand. Lexa let out a frustrated sigh and tentatively rubbed Clarke’s back as she continued to throw up. She couldn’t believe that Clarke had friends who would just let her drink a senseless amount of alcohol. She wondered where Raven and Octavia had gone. 

“Sorry, I’m kind of really drunk right now,” said Clarke slowly, as if each word were too hard to pronounce. Lexa looked down at her and saw Clarke look up at her with hopeless eyes. 

“You need to go to bed, Clarke,” whispered Lexa softly. Clarke nodded so Lexa helped her up and they walked back into her room. The party was still going on outside her room so she decided to keep Clarke in her room to keep an eye on her. 

“You can stay in here,” said Lexa. She pulled the covers off her bed and motioned for Clarke to sit down. Clarke was wearing black leggings and an old ACDC t-shirt so she decided against changing her into pajamas. 

“You have really pretty eyes,” said Clarke as she stared up at Lexa with a dreamy look on her face. Lexa tried not to blush and instead turned around to grab her water bottle. She handed it to Clarke and told her to take small sips. She couldn’t believe that she was taking care of a very drunk Clarke Griffin in her bedroom.

“Why did you drink so much?” asked Lexa as she sat down at her desk to watch Clarke. 

“It makes me forget about him,” hiccuped Clarke. Lexa looked at her and frowned. 

“Who?” asked Lexa. Clarke looked up at her ceiling and started to smile.

“Wow the stars look so bright tonight, Lex!” beamed Clarke. She had fallen back on her bed and was simply smiling all over while she looked at Lexa’s glow in the dark stars. Lexa rolled her eyes and figured she wasn’t going to get anything else out of her. She rested her head on her hand and tried not to smile as she watched Clarke giggle at her stars.

“I miss seeing the stars. Dad and I always watched the stars together,” said Clarke with a slight frown. Lexa perked up and felt her heart sink. She had heard from Raven that Clarke did not handle her father’s death very well and by the looks of her current state, not much had changed.

“I like to believe that he’s up there watching you. That he’s turned into a star or something,” said Lexa quietly. Clarke glanced over at her and gave her a puzzled look. Lexa quickly looked away and nervously stared down at her shoes. She was still dealing with the loss of her own parents and felt Clarke’s pain.

“I like that you put stars up here,” said Clarke. Her eyes were starting to close and Lexa could tell that she was almost asleep. She got up quietly and placed the covers over her body as she breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Goodnight, Clarke,” said Lexa as she turned off the bedside light. She crawled into her day bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying desperately to clear her head before sleep washed over her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going to be posting somewhat regularly. Excited to write now that I have some time off :)

Lexa woke up the next morning and blinked her eyes open as she looked over to her bed to see Clarke sleeping soundly. She quietly grabbed her glasses on her desk and slipped out of the room.

She slowly made her way into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. Lexa had always been an early riser, even if she stayed up late. She grabbed a mug and filled it with hot water. Her hair was messy and pushed to the side and she was wearing a tight white vneck that was pushed up and had on grey sweatpants that hung loosely on her hips. 

Lexa grabbed her cup of tea and walked into the living room. She sat down on the leather couch and quietly turned on the TV. Lexa was obsessed with documentaries. She was currently watching one on cosmos in space and found it utterly fascinating. 

She grabbed her phone and texted Anya to let her know she had settled back in. She amlisley checked the stocks and then her email before she sighed and turned her attention to the TV. 

She hadn’t even noticed that Clarke had woken up and was moving towards her. Lexa jumped and blushed as she watched Clarke walk into the kitchen. She seemed to have ditched her leggings and was wearing one of Lexa’s long gray hoodies, which exposed her bare legs. 

Lexa’s couldn’t help but stare at Clarke. She let her eyes roam up and down Clarke’s body while she stumbled around making coffee. Clarke let out a frustrated sigh and turned around to see Lexa sitting on the couch. She let out a small smile when she made eye contact with Lexa, who quickly blushed when she realized that Clarke had caught her staring. 

“Hey Lex,” said Clarke softly. Lexa fought off the urge to run to Clarke and pull her into a massive hug. She suddenly felt overly protective towards the girl standing in front of her. She smiled faintly at Clarke and politely said hello. 

Clarke made her way into the living room and sat opposite of Lexa on the couch. She pulled her messy curls out from her face and let out a small breath. 

“Thank you for being there for me last night,” said Clarke quietly. Lexa felt her face soften at Clarke’s words. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Clarke,” said Lexa quietly. 

Clarke let out a deep breath and turned to face Lexa. 

“Can we keep this between the two of us? I don't want to worry Raven,” said Clarke.

Yeah, of course,” said Lexa with a faint smile. She hated the idea of keeping something from Raven. Raven knew Clarke way better than she did and she was starting to get worried. 

“Thank you. It’s so weird being back,” said Clarke as she looked at the house. 

Lexa fought the urge to ask Clarke how she was doing but cracked when she saw Clarke’s eyes start to tear up. 

“Clarke… I’m so sorry about your Dad,” whispered Lexa. Clarke shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

“I should probably take a shower. Can you show me where the towels are?” asked Clarke as she quickly changed the subject. Lexa let out a small breath and nodded. She showed Clarke to the hall closet and sighed as she walked back into the kitchen. Raven had woken up and was making an omelette. 

“Morning,” said Raven cheerfully. Lexa sat down at the table and drummed her fingers as she watched Raven make breakfast. 

“Clarke can stay in the guest room until she gets her apartment sorted out,” said Lexa in a distant voice. 

“You don’t mind?” asked Raven as she placed an omelette on her plate. Lexa grabbed a fork and started to dig in. Clarke emerged from the bathroom wearing a red flannel and black skinny jeans. She sat down next to Raven and started to eat.

“Yeah, it’s no bother,” said Lexa as she watched Clarke out of the corner of her eye.

“I need to go to the apartment complex and get my paperwork,” said Clarke as she stuffed her mouth full of eggs. 

“God, I sure did miss you,” laughed Raven as she watched Clarke choke on her food. “Are you meeting up with Finn?”

“Yeah…. About that. We kind of ended the relationship. I pushed him away while I was… you know, home,” said Clarke. 

“Well maybe it will be good to just talk to him. You can invite him over. We’re throwing another party tonight. He lives around here, right?” interjected Raven, breaking the tension.

“Yeah, maybe,” replied Clarke. Lexa had had enough of this awkward conversation and desperately wanted it to end. 

“Why are we throwing a party?” she asked. Raven looked at her and rolled her eyes. 

“Because we’re seniors in college,” said Raven as if it was the only answer in the world. 

“Right, because that is the answer to everything,” said Lexa in a bored tone. She really wasn’t a fan of partying. She found that she would much rather cuddle up and read a good book or binge watch a Netflix show. Lexa cleared her plate and walked back to her room. She sank down into her bed and tried to process everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. 

\-------

Lexa had spent the rest of the day running random errands across town. She grabbed new school supplies and paid a visit to her college’s bookstore. She spent the rest of the day hauled up in her bedroom going through her books for the semester. They started class in a few days and she wanted to make sure that she had everything she needed. She heard a faint knock from her bedroom door and watched as Raven came in.

“Everyone will be here in a few minutes if you want to come down,” said Raven. Lexa put her book down and turned over to face her friend.

“That’s really not my thing,” she said quietly. Raven nodded and sat down on her bed.

“I know, but you don’t have to drink anything,” said Raven. 

“Okay, I’ll say hi to everyone but I’m not making any promises on how long I’ll stay,” said Lexa. Raven smiled and immediately grabbed Lexa off the bed and guided her downstairs towards the party. 

Lexa was pleased to find that the living room was filled with familiar faces. Lincoln was talking adamantly to Bellamy in the kitchen while Octavia watched him with a face full of lust. Monty and Jasper were playing video games in the living room while Harper, Monroe and Clarke were mixing drinks. Clarke had just downed a double shot of tequila when she made eye contact with Lexa. Lexa frowned and looked away.

“Party Girl Griffin is back!” yelled Bellamy in amusement, his fist in the air. Lexa rolled her eyes and went to grab a Mountain Dew from the fridge. 

“Look who finally joined the party,” smirked Bellamy as he watched Lexa drink her soda. 

“Nice to see you too, Bellamy,” said Lexa in a polite tone. Lexa had never been a fan of Bellamy. He behaved like a typical jock and everyone knew that he had a secret obsession with Clarke. Lincoln pushed past Bellamy and wrapped Lexa in a giant bear hug. 

“It’s nice to see you, Lex,” he laughed. “Do you want to go with me to the gym tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been itching to get back into the ring,” said Lexa. Lincoln was Lexa’s boxing partner. They had known each other since boarding school, where they first met. 

“Clarke’s back,” stated Lincoln. The two watched as Clarke danced drunkenly with Harper. 

“Yeah, she is,” said Lexa as she sipped her soda. She watched as Clarke spilled her red solo cup on the floor and frowned. 

“How did she seem? You know, with her Dad and all,” said Lincoln. Lexa sighed and tried to figure out what to say. 

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know her that well,” said Lexa as an afterthought. 

“You should talk to her sometime. It might be nice for her to have a friend that knows what she’s going through. I would but I feel as if you might be more approachable,” said Lincoln with a light laugh. Lexa nodded and continued to watch as Clarke drank an absurd amount of alcohol. 

“Does she always do this?” asked Lexa with a frown. Lexa hardly ever drank. It made her feel out of control and she was the type of person who always needed to be in control. Lincoln shrugged and continued to sip his drink. Bellamy ran right into her and spilled beer all over the front of her shirt. 

“Sorry, Lexa,” laughed Bellamy. He smelled strongly of whiskey and couldn’t stop smiling. Bellamy was typically a messy but happy drunk who always wanted to have a good time. Lexa groaned and looked down at her soaked shirt.

“It’s fine,” she muttered as she put her drink down and walked out of the room. She saw Clarke laughing hysterically as Harper helped her stand. Letting out a sigh, she trudged up the stairs and quietly closed her bedroom door behind her. She slipped out of her wet shirt and walked into the bathroom to wipe off all of the beer that Bellamy had spilled on her. 

Once she felt clean again, she walked back out into her bedroom and grabbed a white shirt and pulled it on over her head. Lexa slowly walked over to her bed and sat down. She put her head in her hands and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. She looked down at her clock and saw that it was 11:15. She was nowhere near tired but didn't want to go back down to the party after Bellamy had spilled beer all over her. 

Lexa walked out onto her balcony and stared up longingly at the stars. It was moments like these where she truly felt alone. She used to think that she was content with being alone. Her life hadn’t been easy and she had learned that being alone was the safest route. Yet, she ached to feel connected to someone like she once had with Costia. 

Costia had been Lexa’s entire world. They had met in boarding school and fell madly in love. Yet, it all shattered the day Costia was killed in a car accident. Lexa felt like she would never get over the pain until she decided that love was weakness. After all, it had only left her broken. 

Lexa took a deep breath and walked back into her room. She grabbed her book off her desk and tried to distract herself with the words on the page. The whole house was vibrating from the music playing below and it took all of Lexa’s willpower to focus. Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard voices coming from outside her room. She curiously walked towards the door but was interrupted when she saw the doorknob start to wiggle. She watched in horror as Clarke and who she assumed to be Finn burst into her room. Clarke was laughing hysterically while Finn held her around her waist. Lexa felt her eyes widen as the two started kissing in front of her. 

“Uh, Clarke?” said Lexa. Clarke immediately froze and looked up at Lexa in pure embarrassment. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Lexa. I don’t know why I came in here. Too much whiskey,” slurred Clarke as she turned a deep shade of red. Finn groaned and pulled Clarke closer into his arms. 

“Come on, babe,” whined Finn. Lexa tried hard not to show her anger about the current situation in front of her. The Clarke Griffin that she had remembered was buried under a sea of pain. She watched as Clarke ran out of the room with Finn. She let out a frustrated sigh and fell back into her bed as she wondered what the hell she was going to do about Clarke Griffin.


	3. Chapter 3

The first week of school flew past like a blur. Lexa was busy spending every moment possible training in the gym with Lincoln. The burn in her muscles helped distract her from the stress of her studies and upcoming responsibilities for her company. Lexa had already started to fall slightly behind on her homework. Who would have thought that her senior year of college would be her hardest yet? She spent endless hours in the library after work writing papers and studying for exams while balancing her time at the gym. 

Clarke had started to become a frequent visitor at their apartment and Lexa found that she was having a hard time adjusting to her presence. She tended to pop up out of nowhere and it made Lexa feel nervous in a way that she had only felt once before. Simply put, Clarke Griffin was a hot mess. She had soft blonde hair that rested perfectly against her shoulders and her eyes were the bluest shade that Lexa had ever seen.There was just something about the blonde that pulled her in. It frustrated her to no end. She was still annoyed that Clarke had brought Finn into her room. 

Finn had continued to follow Clarke around like a lost puppy. Lexa internally groaned every time she saw them together. She wasn’t quite sure what Clarke saw in him. He seemed to only be connected to Clarke on a physical level. 

\------

Lexa had been studying in her room when she decided that she needed a break for dinner. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she was wearing a black Adidas originals shirt. She walked down the steps and went to the fridge to grab something to eat. She spotted a tupperware of grilled chicken and a package of mixed greens. 

“Raven, do you want anything to eat?” yelled Lexa as she kicked the fridge closed. She started chopping the chicken and was humming to herself in content. Lexa liked to live a simple life. She got up every morning and went for a run before heading out to class. After class she would come home and workout with Lincoln before studying and looking over emails. Lexa liked her routine and was not about to give that up. 

“Hey, Lexa,” said Clarke. Lexa jumped and almost dropped the bowl of lettuce that she had just cut up. 

“Jok,” swore Lexa. She bumped into the counter and clutched the knife to her chest as she stared wide eyed at Clarke. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” said Clarke with a smile. Lexa gave her a forced smile back. She had been off her game ever since she came back for school. No one ever snuck up on Lexa.

“Keep em teina, Leksa,” she said under her breath. “It’s okay. I didn’t know you were here. Are you staying for dinner?” 

“I’m going out with Finn. Raven and I were just watching TV. Thanks though,” replied Clarke. Lexa nodded and went back to cutting the chicken. Clarke continued to watch her, which made the silence between them extremely uncomfortable for Lexa. Lexa wasn’t very big on talking, especially when it came to someone she didn’t know very well. She wasn’t really sure how she was supposed to act around Clarke. 

“Do you speak another language?” asked Clarke curiously. Lexa stopped cutting and stared at her in shock. She rarely spoke Trigedasleng around anyone besides Anya and Lincoln. It wasn’t something she liked to talk about. Thankfully Raven walked into the kitchen before Lexa had to answer.

“There you are, Clarke. I got out of the bathroom and you were missing,” said Raven. Clarke broke her trance of staring at Lexa and then quickly smiled at Raven. Lexa breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Well, you found me,” grinned Clarke. Raven laughed and went around the counter to see what Lexa was making for dinner.

“I’m so hungry. Is Finn picking you up here?” asked Raven as she snuck a piece of chicken out of the bowl. Lexa scowled and moved the bowl away from Raven’s reach. 

“Yeah he should be here any minute. I’ll just wait outside. See you guys around,” said Clarke. Lexa kept her head down and watched Clarke leave out of the corner of her eye. 

“Why do you always make us salad,” groaned Raven, who had moved from the counter to the table. 

“Because it’s healthy,” said Lexa. She grabbed the bowl of mixed greens and chicken and put it down on the table. Raven rolled her eyes but happily served herself a bowl. 

“What are your plans for the rest of the night?” asked Raven, who now had a mouth full of food. 

“I’m just going to read for a bit and then go for a run,” said Lexa simply. 

“Didn’t you work out already?” asked Raven. 

“I need to get back into shape,” snapped Lexa.

“You’re already insanely fit,” snorted Raven. Lexa ignored her comment and continued to eat her dinner. The two finished their dinner in silence and then cleaned up after themselves. Lexa walked back up the stairs and sank into her bed. Her thoughts kept coming back to a particular blonde. Lexa sighed and put her hands over her eyes. She refused to let Clarke Griffin become a distraction. 

\-----

Ironically enough, it took Lexa about a week to realize that she had a class with Clarke. Lexa was the type of person who always sat front and center, while Clarke always sat in the back. She was busy unpacking her things when someone bumped into her desk. 

“Oh, sorry. Hey, Lexa!” said Clarke as she realized who she had just ran into. Class was about to start and Lexa realized that the only free seat was next to her. 

“Hi Clarke,” said Lexa as she made room for her to sit down. “I didn’t know you were taking British Literature?”

“I wanted to take a fun class and I heard someone mention Harry Potter,” laughed Clarke. Lexa gave her an amused look as she watched her unpack her things. 

“I normally sit in the back but I was running late. Looks like our professor is too,” said Clarke as she let out a sigh of relief. Their professor came running in and quickly apologized for being late. Lexa let out a deep breath and tried her best to focus on the rest of the lecture. Their professor assigned the class a semester-long research project on a text of their choosing and Lexa found herself already going through a million different books that she could write about.

“Fuck yeah, I’m doing Harry Potter,” whispered Clarke. Lexa let out a snort and then quickly blushed a deep shade of red. Clarke grinned and began to pack up her things. 

British Lit was Lexa’s last class of the day and she couldn’t wait to go home and go to the gym. The two girls made their way out of the lecture hall and towards the exit. 

“I’m heading back to the apartment. Want to walk together?” asked Clarke. 

“Sure,” said Lexa. They stepped out into the cool fall air and headed towards their houses. Thankfully the walk from campus was only a few minutes.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” asked Clarke. 

“I’m just a very private person,” said Lexa carefully. She watched as Clarke considered her words. 

“Raven’s told me a lot of nice things about you. Are you sure you’re not hiding a dead body or something?” joked Clarke. Lexa felt her body stiffen. 

“No dead bodies,” said Lexa quickly.

“Relax, I’m only joking,” said Clarke as she brushed her shoulder. Lexa let out a low breath of air and tried not to be awkward.

“What’s your major?” asked Lexa. Clarke was staring up at the colorful leaves with a smile on her face.

“Art History. What about you?” replied Clarke happily. 

“Political science and Business,” said Lexa. 

“That’s cool. Hey, I don’t have your number. We should study together sometime,” said Clarke as she reached for her phone and handed it to Lexa. Lexa nervously put her number into Clarke’s phone.

“That would be great,” said Lexa.

“Well, this is me. See you around,” smiled Clarke as she headed up to her apartment. Lexa sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She desperately hoped that this friendship wouldn’t turn out to be a distraction. Lexa’s future was far too important to lose track of what mattered.

\------

Lexa started getting back into the routine of her morning runs. She would fall asleep studying and then wake up early to go running. She liked the feeling of being the first person up in her neighborhood. It finally gave her the chance to clear her head and get ready for the rest of the day. 

Lexa usually ran the same route every morning but she found herself in a new neighborhood. She was just starting to kick into the sprint part of her workout when she collided with something hard. She fell back in surprise and tumbled across the grass. 

“Jok,” groaned Lexa as she brushed the dirt off her shirt. 

“Lexa?” 

Lexa whipped her head back and saw Clarke sitting on the sidewalk behind her.

“Oh I'm sorry, Clarke. I didn't mean to run into you,” said Lexa as she helped Clarke up. She felt an electricity run through her veins when she touched Clarke’s hand. She quickly jumped back and nervously ran her fingers through her hair. 

“It's okay. I wasn't paying attention,” said Clarke as she wiped her hands on her shirt. 

“What are you doing up so early?” asked Lexa as she cocked her head. 

“I was going to a yoga class. I actually haven't been to bed yet,” said Clarke with a nervous laugh. 

“Trouble sleeping?” asked Lexa. Clarke shifted awkwardly and played with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. 

“Yeah, something like that,” muttered Clarke. 

“Well, I hope it goes well. Bye, Clarke,” said Lexa softly as she started to run.

“Hey, I'm having a party tonight at my apartment. Do you want to come?” shouted Clarke. Lexa turned around and smiled. 

“Sure, sounds fun,” said Lexa. She couldn't believe she just said that a party sounded fun. What was Clarke doing to her? Lexa’s eyes lit up in alarm but she quickly flashed a smile in Clarke’s direction.

“See you then,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded and started running back to her house. She quietly opened the back door and slipped inside. Raven was sitting at the kitchen table with a plate full of eggs while she read from her textbook. 

“You amaze me,” said Raven with a mouth full of eggs. 

“It's just my routine,” replied Lexa as she grabbed a bottle of water. She sat down at the table and watched as Raven shoved an insane amount of food into her mouth. 

“I have a test in 30 minutes,” groaned Raven. 

“You'll do great,” said Lexa. She grabbed a green apple off the table and bit into it. 

“Clarke said she's having a party tonight,” said Lexa. She waited to see what Raven’s reaction would be.

“Yeah, she wants to show off her new apartment,” said Raven as she kept her eyes glued to her book.

“I told her I would go,” said Lexa. Raven dropped her fork and stared up at her in surprise. 

“You're coming with?” asked Raven.

“Yeah, is that okay?” questioned Lexa.

“Yes it's great!” said Raven. Her face lit up in a giant smile. 

“Well, I should probably get going. See you after class,” said Raven as she packed up her stuff. Lexa nodded and hurried back upstairs to shower. She luckily only had one class today and it wasn't until the afternoon. 

Lexa let the warm water wash away the stress from her workout. She was still getting back into shape. She quickly toweled off and pulled her hair up. Her phone was buzzing on her desk as she walked into her bedroom. She grabbed it and put it on speaker. 

“Hey Lex. How's school been?” asked Anya. Lexa instantly felt guilty. She hadn't been talking to Anya as much as she wanted. 

“It's been fine. I've been super busy with school, work and training,” replied Lexa. She sat down at her desk and stared up at her photos. She saw the picture of her and Anya and smiled. 

“It's good that you're staying busy. Have you been hanging out with Lincoln?” asked Anya. 

“Yeah, we’ve been boxing,” said Lexa. Her thoughts started to drift back to Clarke and she smiled. Her eyes traveled around the collage of the picture above her desk until she rested on one of her and Costia. She shut her eyes tight and let out a shaky breath. 

“Lex, are you okay?” asked Anya. 

“I'm fine,” said Lexa. “Raven’s old roommate is back and it's made things complicated.”

“How so?” asked Anya.

“She makes me feel nervous whenever I'm around her,” said Lexa. She heard the line go quiet and instantly regretted bringing it up.

“A good nervous? Like how you felt about Costia?” 

Lexa felt the blood drain from her face. She didn't like talking about Costia because it was simply too painful.

“I gotta go. I have to do some homework. I'll talk to you later,” said Lexa as she hung up the phone. She quickly changed into her clothes and curled up on her bed. She suddenly wasn't so sure about the party tonight. 

\------

It had taken forever before Octavia and Clarke finally invited everyone over to celebrate their newly furnished apartment. Their apartment was small but clearly showed the two girls’ personalities. Lexa found herself eager to finally be able to see all of Clarke’s artwork that Raven had told her about. She walked into Clarke’s room to help her find her speakers so that they could play music but frowned when she noticed it was absent of anything art related.

“What happened to all of your artwork, Clarke?” asked Lexa as she looked around. Clarke frowned and avoided eye contact. 

“I gave that up awhile ago,” muttered Clarke. Lexa looked at her in shock.

“Raven showed me some of your work while you were studying in Italy. It was beautiful,” said Lexa softly. Clarke looked up at her in a pained expression and quickly looked away.

“It was more of a hobby,” said Clarke with a shrug. Lexa let it go and helped her look for her speakers. They found them under a pile of papers on Clarke’s desk and quickly went back out to the main room. Octavia was talking adamantly to Lincoln about wanting his help to learn boxing while Bellamy was laughing with Raven about something that had happened in his graduate class. Lexa watched as Clarke bit her lip and scrolled through her phone. 

“Get off your phone, Clarkey. Finn can wait,” grinned Raven as she sat down on Clarke’s lap. Clarke rolled her eyes and curiously smiled at Raven. Lexa watched the two out of the corner of her eye as she sipped her drink. 

“So Lexa, how is training with Lincoln going?” asked Octavia. Lexa smiled and put down her drink. 

“He’s been kicking my ass,” laughed Lexa. Lincoln leaned back in his chair with a smirk across his face. 

“Can I join you guys sometime?” asked Octavia.

“We’re going tomorrow morning if you want to come?” said Lincoln. Octavia instantly perked up and nodded enthusiastically. Lexa subtly rolled her eyes and made eye contact with Clarke, who smiled back. They both knew that Octavia had a crush on Lincoln. 

“Finn’s coming,” said Clarke as she quickly got up from the couch. “He should be here any minute.” 

Lexa watched as Clarke made her way into the kitchen to make another round of drinks. 

“Can someone get that,” yelled Clarke from the kitchen. Lincoln got up and quickly opened the door. Lexa watched as Finn walked into the room with a few of his frat brothers. She quickly realized that this was no longer going to be a small get together and groaned. Clarke walked back into the room and frowned when she saw that Finn had brought people with him.

“Hey, princess,” smirked Finn as he grabbed Clarke around the waist and squeezed her ass. Lexa clenched her fist and narrowed her eyes at Finn. She watched as Clarke let out an awkward laugh and pushed him away. 

The party quickly turned from a casual get to together to a full on rager. Lexa was having a hard time hearing what Octavia was saying to her over the loud music that was blasting next to her. Clarke was running around with Finn taking shots of tequila and dancing wildly.

“It seems like party girl Griffin is here to stay,” shouted Octavia. Lexa rolled her eyes and got up to go to the bathroom. She quietly locked the door behind her and splashed cold water on her face. She groaned at the realization that she was going to have to wait until Raven was ready to go home before she could leave. Raven was a great friend but she was always trying too hard to get Lexa to go out. She slowly left the bathroom and walked back to the main room to sit on the couch. 

Finn was in the corner of the room playing a drinking game with his frat brothers while Clarke was nowhere to be seen. Lexa let out a sigh and grabbed her phone. She scrolled through her contacts and rested on Anya’s. She quickly texted her hello but then erased the message before she could send it. She nervously glanced down at the time and saw that it was almost 11. Raven tended to stay out until very late so Lexa knew she was in for a long night. She remained on the couch for the remainder of the night until her thoughts were momentarily interrupted by the presence of a particular blonde. 

“What are you up to, Lexiloo?” asked Clarke with a grin plastered on her face. She was sitting almost on Lexa’s lap. Lexa gave her a confused look before responding. 

“Lexiloo?” questioned Lexa, her brows furrowing. Clarke looked at her and couldn’t help but throw her head back and let out a deep laugh. 

“I think I’m a little drunk,” giggled Clarke.

“Just a little,” said Lexa. She felt her hand unconsciously rest on Clarke’s hip. Lexa looked around and saw that most of the people had left the apartment. Bellamy was trying his best not to fall over while he talked to Raven and Octavia was basically eye-fucking Lincoln over in the corner. Lexa was surprised to notice that Finn and his frat brothers had left. 

“Why are you always so serious?” asked Clarke with a hiccup as she grabbed Lexa’s hand to entwine their fingers. Lexa widened her eyes as she looked down at their hands. She hated to admit how nice it felt to have Clarke’s hand in her own. 

“I’m just focused on my future,” said Lexa. Clarke frowned and moved her face so that it was inches away from Lexa’s.

“I can’t figure you out. I’m going to figure you out,” said Clarke as she pointed at her. She kept blinking and was looking at Lexa with a fierce gaze that made her knees weak. Thankfully Bellamy dropped his cup and broke their eye contact. 

“I gotta pee,” said Clarke as she stared off into the distance before getting up to walk to the bathroom. Lexa suddenly felt cold at the absence of Clarke’s warm body and frowned. Clarke was gone for about 10 minutes and Lexa found herself becoming increasingly agitated. She glared over at Raven, who upon making eye contact, guiltily sulked over to Lexa.

“Can you grab my coat in Octavia’s room? I just want to say bye to Bell and then we can leave,” said Raven with a yawn. Lexa rolled her eyes and got up to walk down the hallway towards her friend’s room. Lexa wasn’t paying attention when she accidently walked into the wrong bedroom. Clarke was sitting down at her desk staring blankly out at the window. Lexa sucked in a breath of air and tried to quietly walk out of the room without Clarke seeing. She bumped into a bookshelf and swore under her breath as Clarke turned around. 

“Sorry, wrong room,” muttered Lexa. She was just about to leave when Clarke interrupted her thoughts of embarrassment. 

“It’s fine,” said Clarke. Her voice was hollow and her blue eyes suddenly looked dim. 

“Are you okay?” asked Lexa softly, making her way back towards the blonde. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” replied Clarke. Lexa could tell that Clarke was trying to mask her emotions but the alcohol seemed to be preventing that. Lexa gently sat down on Clarke’s bed and looked back at her. She thought back to her conversation with Lincoln and decided the hell with it. 

“Do you, um, want to talk about it?” said Lexa. She started to nervously play with her bracelets as she waited for Clarke to respond. 

“It’s nothing really,” said Clarke with a sad smile. Lexa took in a deep breath of air and a leap of faith before she repeated the words that had been on her mind for weeks.

“Clarke, I know what it feels like to lose someone. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here,” said Lexa softly. Clarke looked up at her in surprise and then quickly looked away.

“Thank you,” said Clarke quietly. Lexa nodded and sat with Clarke in silence for a few minutes. 

“I’m gonna go to bed,” said Clarke, who clearly was trying not to cry. Lexa hovered over the bed and contemplated whether or not to reach out and touch Clarke. She felt her hand rise up and then fall back down. Clarke’s eyes looked dejected.

“Goodnight, Clarke,” Lexa said softly as she walked out of her room. She decided that it was for the best that Clarke didn’t want to talk about it. Feelings only ever made things more complicated.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke had continued to keep up the Party Girl Griffin persona while Lexa had been busy studying and helping her Aunt Indra at her new bar named The Dropship. She had started to pack up her things after her British Lit lecture and was walking down the hallway when Clarke almost ran into her. 

“Hey, I forgot to ask you. Do you want to study together for the midterm?” asked Clarke, who clearly looked like she was out of breath after having to chase her down. “This was supposed to be my blow off class but it’s proving to be more work than I thought and I really need to do well on this test.”

Lexa tried to hide her amusement while Clarke was going on and on about their midterm.

“Sure, I could use the extra studying,” said Lexa without thinking.

“Extra studying?” questioned Clarke, her brow furrowing in confusion. 

“I started studying earlier this week. I just really like the content of the class so it’s fun,” said Lexa, trying to hide her embarrassment at nerding out over a class. 

“Right, are you free later tonight?” asked Clarke. 

“Yes, I’m working out with Lincoln until 6 so I can be ready by 7. Do you want to come by my place?” asked Lexa.

“That’s perfect. Thank you so much, Lex. See you then,” smiled Clarke brightly before heading back to her apartment. Lexa let out a sigh of relief and wondered how she was going to be able to focus when she had Clarke Griffin in her bedroom. She quickly pushed away the thought and walked back to her house. 

\------

Her workout with Lincoln had gone surprisingly well and Lexa found that almost all of her stress had left her body. She showered and quickly changed into black jeans and a green shirt before heading down the stairs to grab dinner. Raven was in the kitchen making dinner when Lexa bumped into her. 

“Raven, you are an angel,” said Lexa as she moved to help Raven finish making dinner. Raven was making baked chicken with garlic green beans. Lexa felt her stomach grumble at the heavenly smells and quickly set the table for two. 

“Someone is in a good mood,” grinned Raven. Lexa smiled and sat down at the table.

“I just had a really good workout today and I feel prepared for my midterms tomorrow,” said Lexa innocently. Raven snorted and placed the food on the table.

“You are such a nerd. I heard that Clarke is coming over to study?” asked Raven. Lexa nodded and started to eat her dinner. 

“She needs help with our British Lit class. I started studying last week so it will be a nice review,” said Lexa. Raven rolled her eyes and stuffed a large amount of chicken into her mouth. The two quickly finished their dinner and put everything away before Clarke rang the doorbell. Lexa went to answer it and found Clarke smiling with a bag full of snacks. Lexa cocked her eye curiously and let Clarke in. She was wearing a light grey hoodie with black leggings. 

“I brought study snacks,” said Clarke proudly. Raven walked in and started laughing. 

“You are too much for me,” she said before walking back into the main room to watch TV. 

“We can study in my room,” said Lexa as she led Clarke upstairs. Clarke sat down on her bed and took out her books while Lexa sat down at her desk and opened up her computer. 

“Right, I say we review our notes first and then write down questions to ask each other,” said Lexa as she began to flip through her notes. Clarke nodded and quickly got to work. Lexa snuck a glance at Clarke and tried to see if she was still masking her pain. The girl looked okay but Lexa wasn’t so sure. She decided to drop the idea and started reviewing her notes. 

\------- 

Clarke was having a hard time staying focused as she flipped through her notes. She had way too much on her mind and couldn’t stop thinking about how different this year was compared to her junior year. Lexa was sitting in her chair, twirling a pen between her fingers. Her gaze was above her laptop on the photos behind her desk. Clarke sneakily looked up at the pictures and recognized that Lincoln and Raven were in quite a few of them. She saw another girl she didn’t know and contemplated asking Lexa but decided she didn’t want to bother her. She looked like she was special and wondered if she was Lexa’s girlfriend. 

Instead she pulled out one of her english textbooks and curled up in Lexa’s bed. She did her best to focus but it was boring and she found the room to be too quiet, even with Lexa sitting at the desk beside her. Lexa had one knee tucked under her leg and the other bent so that she could rest her chin on her knee. She appeared to be reading something on her computer, her mouth moving along with the words. 

Clarke looked at the bag of skittles lying open next to her and grinned. She quietly grabbed one and threw it at Lexa’s head. Lexa whipped her head back and looked at Clarke in confusion.

“What was that?” asked Lexa. Clarke laughed and threw another one at her, hitting her on the ear. 

“Skittles! I’m bored of looking through my notes. Can we just quiz each other,” said Clarke. Lexa rolled her eyes but then let out a small smile. She turned her chair around to face Clarke before reaching over her to grab the bag of skittles. The two girls quizzed each other on various plot lines in Pride and Prejudice until they felt that they had mastered the text. Clarke was flipping through her book when she felt something small hit her on the forehead. Lexa burst out laughing as Clarke looked at her. 

“Really?” said Clarke. 

“Hey, you started it,” smirked Lexa before popping a handful into her mouth. “Ugh, get these things away from me.”

“I hope I don’t fail this midterm,” Clarke said as she closed her textbook. Lexa handed her the skittles and leaned back in her chair. 

“You’re going to be fine, Clarke. We’ve been studying for almost three hours,” yawned Lexa. 

“Whoops, time flies when you’re having fun,” Clarke laughed. “I should get going. Thank you so much for helping me out.”

Lexa smiled and walked with Clarke down the stairs. Clarke found that she was no longer nervous about her midterm. She watched as Lexa opened the front door and said goodnight before heading out to her car and driving home. 

Clarke slept relatively peacefully that night for the first time in many months. She aced her midterm the next day and couldn’t help but smile at the fact that her and Lexa were starting to become friends. 

\---

Clarke rolled off of Finn and went to grab her shirt from his bedroom floor. She didn’t know why she kept coming back to him. She really didn’t see much in him besides a distraction. Lately she had found that even he couldn’t distract her from her troubles.

“God, you always feel so good,” moaned Finn as he spread out on the bed. Clarke rolled her eyes and slipped back into her shorts. She couldn’t say that she was proud that she constantly found herself in this situation. 

“I’ll see you around,” said Clarke as she walked out of his room. She made her way out of the frat house and breathed in the fresh autumn air. Clarke knew that she needed to make some changes. She had stopped feeling anything towards Finn but felt like she couldn’t leave him. There was a safety she felt with being with him. She headed back to her apartment and quickly showered to get the smell of Finn off of her skin. It was finally the weekend and she had made plans with Octavia to go out to a new bar that had just opened. She changed into her clothes and brushed her hair before waiting outside for Octavia to pick her up. 

“So what is this place called?” asked Clarke as she stared out of the window. Octavia had been going on and on about how cute she thought Lincoln was. 

“It’s called the Dropship. Lincoln was telling me about it today. It’s really cool,” said Octavia in an excited voice. Clarke laughed and watched as they pulled up to the bar. The inside was way cooler than the outside of the building. It was filled with stars and flashing lights that reminded Clarke of a planetarium. They made their way to the back of the bar where Bellamy, Lincoln and Raven were sitting. They had ordered a round of shots for everyone and Clarke happily started to drink. She found herself on her 4th drink before she started to get bored and made her way towards the bar. Her eyes widened when she recognized a familiar brunette with green eyes. 

“Lexa,” slurred Clarke as she stumbled over to the girl. Lexa looked surprised to see her but smiled in greeting.

“Hi Clarke. Would you like a drink?” asked Lexa. Clarke happily nodded and watched as Lexa’s expert hands crafted her a drink. She found herself wondering what those hands would do on her body and shuddered when she realized she had started thinking about Lexa in that way. Lexa was after all just a friend. Right?

“Do you work here?” asked Clarke, who kept opening and closing her eyes in an attempt to see the brunette 

“I help out. My Aunt owns the place,” said Lexa.

“You have really pretty eyes,” said Clarke as she continued to blink. Lexa blushed and ignored her comment as she handed Clarke a drink. She felt a spark of electricity flow through her veins as Lexa’s fingers brushed up against her own. She shook her head and tossed the drink back. She immediately let out a moan, which made Lexa blush a deeper shade of red. 

“Another please,” said Clarke. The alcohol was starting to fog her brain and she was having trouble remembering why she was here and why Lexa was standing in front of her with a face full of concern. 

“Clarke, should you be drinking this much?” asked Lexa as she contemplated going through on Clarke’s request for another drink. Clarke shrugged and looked blankly out the window. 

“Does it really matter,” she said quietly. Lexa was starting to get worried. Clarke was doing a poor job of hiding her pain. Lexa handed her a tall glass of water and Clarke raised her eyebrow in confusion. 

“Where did your friends go?’ asked Lexa as she searched through the crowd.

“I ran away from them. I think I lost them,” replied Clarke. Clarke’s vision started to blur so she rested her head on the counter. She felt Lexa touch her shoulder but ignored whatever she was saying. 

“Clarke, are you okay?” asked Lexa. Clarke started to mumble but wasn’t making any sense, even to herself.

“I’m going to take you home, okay? Miller, take over my shift,” said Lexa as she walked around the bar and helped Clarke stand up. Clarke felt like her head was going to explode. She let Lexa walk her to her car and groaned when Lexa buckled her into the passenger seat. 

“You really shouldn’t drink like this, Clarke,” said Lexa. They were just about to pull up to Clarke’s apartment when she started giggling.

“I don’t have my keys. Octavia has them,” said Clarke. Lexa bit her lip and kept driving down the road.

“You’re coming to my house then,” said Lexa. They pulled into her driveway and Lexa helped Clarke get out of the car and into her house. It was no easy feat as Clarke wasn’t being very cooperative. They made it into Lexa’s room and Clarke sank down into her bed. She felt Lexa take her boots off and couldn’t help but start to cry. 

\------

“Clarke? Are you okay?” said Lexa in a worried tone. She couldn’t believe how her night had played out. Clarke had been typical Clarke and had drank herself to the point where nothing she said made sense. She could tell just how much she was hurting and felt her heart break. Clarke wasn’t taking care of herself anymore and Lexa didn’t know how to help. To be honest this was becoming all too much for Lexa to handle and she was having trouble not being annoyed that she kept finding herself in this position. She had texted Raven countless times but she hadn’t responded. Even worse, Clarke had locked herself out of her apartment. She hated how much she cared about the blonde girl that was passed out on her bed. She knew she had next to no chance of ever being with her and it nearly killed her inside. She loved being with Clarke when she was sober but drunk Clarke just made her sad. 

Lexa sat down in her desk chair and checked her phone to see that it was 2AM. She watched as Clarke groaned and turned over to face her, her eyes blinking wildly.

“Where are we?” asked Clarke as she sat up to look around but quickly stopped and covered her mouth. Lexa swore under her breath and helped Clarke over to the toilet where she spilled everything in her stomach. Clarke started to cry and looked beyond miserable. Lexa grabbed a wet washcloth and pressed it against her neck, watching as the girl closed her eyes. She gently brushed the hair out of her eyes and waited for Clarke to motion that she was ready to go back to bed. 

“Clarke.”

“Hmm.”

“Why do you keep doing this?”

“It numbs the pain.”

“What pain?”

“Life.”

Lexa stared back at her with a blank expression and tried to figure out what to do. She helped Clarke up off the ground and led her back to her bed. Clarke slumped down onto the bed and started to cry into her pillow. Lexa wasn’t sure what she should do so she awkwardly hovered over the bed before giving up and sitting down next to Clarke. She gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but I promise you that it does get better,” Lexa said softly. She had a feeling that Clarke’s behavior was due to her ignoring her feelings about her father’s death. Clarke sat up and swallowed Lexa up in a massive hug. Lexa froze at the contact but quickly held her back as she let her cry on her shoulder. 

“I’m such a fucking mess. I’m so sorry that you have to see this,” cried Clarke. Lexa played with her soft blonde curls and rubbed soothing circles onto her back to calm her down. 

“It’s no bother. I was worried about you when I saw you alone,” said Lexa. She knew that Clarke needed someone right now and as much as she hated seeing her like this, she knew she would never turn her away. She understood what she was going through even if her own reaction had been a bit different. She held Clarke for what felt like forever until the blonde started to calm down. Raven suddenly ran into her bedroom, making Lexa almost jump out of her seat.

“What the fuck, Clarke! We were so scared when we couldn’t find you at the bar!” said Raven, who was giving off a very angry and very drunk vibe. Lexa felt Clarke shrink into her chest. Raven eyed the two girls and then let out a frustrated sigh. 

“I tried calling you, Ray,” said Lexa. She wasn’t sure if she should let go of Clarke or not but ended up letting Clarke decide. 

“Some asshole stole my phone,” muttered Raven. “Octavia and I nearly shit a brick when we went back to the apartment and couldn’t find you, Clarke.”

“I’m sorry,” said Clarke in a small voice. She had broken apart from Lexa and was staring down at the floor. Lexa made eye contact with Raven and tried to explain without words what Clarke was going through. Raven seemed to get the memo and sat down on the bed next to Clarke and pulled her in for a hug.

“What are we going to do with you, babe? We need to get you some help,” sighed Raven. Raven looked over at Lexa and mouthed the words thank you before looking back down at Clarke. Lexa grabbed her water bottle from her desk and gently handed it over to Clarke. The three girls leaned back against the wall and let out a deep breath. Clarke finished drinking her water and rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder, who was trying to keep her heart beat even at the extended physical contact. 

“I have to go get Octavia,” said Raven. Raven pulled Lexa aside and whispered in her ear, “thank you, Lex.”

Lexa nodded and watched as Raven left her room before turning back to Clarke. Clarke had sunk back into her bed and was staring aimlessly at the ceiling. Lexa rummaged through her dresser until she found a large tshirt. She walked over to Clarke and wordlessly helped her change out of her clothes. Lexa found that it wasn’t weird that Clarke was almost naked in front of her. She just wanted to take care of her and make her feel safe. Once she finished helping Clarke, she gently placed a blanket over her body and pushed the hair out of her eyes.

“Wake me up if you need anything,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded and looked like she wanted to say something. Lexa stood and waited for the blonde to speak.

“Can you sleep with me?” Asked Clarke in a quiet voice.

Lexa couldn’t help but raise her eyebrows in surprise. She wasn’t expecting Clarke to ask that.

“I have bad nightmares and it helps if I can feel someone next to me,” said Clarke softly.

Lexa looked down at the broken girl before her and gently nodded. Clarke scouted towards the wall and held the blankets up until Lexa crawled in. She was surprised when she felt Clarke rest her head on her chest and breathe a sigh of relief. Lexa was suddenly hyper aware of her heartbeat and tried not to panic. She had been fighting confusing feelings towards Clarke the past few days and this wasn’t helping. She mentally sighed and decided to let herself enjoy Clarke, even though she knew it would never be romantic. 

“Thank you,” whispered Clarke so softly that Lexa had thought she imagined it. 

“Reshop, Klark,” whispered Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Party Girl Griffin is gonna find her chill soon!


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa hadn’t seen or spoken to Clarke since the night they slept together. She knew that Clarke had a lot of things to sort out on her own and was giving her time to heal. There really wasn’t anything else she could do. All she knew was that she had never felt peace like sleeping next to Clarke Griffin. She secretly hoped it would happen again. She spent the majority of her midterm week curled up in her room as she studied for her exams. 

It was Tuesday night and Lexa was sitting on her daybed, glasses resting on the top of her head with her book on one knee, her notebook on the other as she copied down a case file into her notes. She twirled her pen around as she intently studied the file in front of her but found that she wasn’t making much progress. This week in particular was going to be a brutal one as it was the last week before fall break. 

Her thoughts kept coming back to Clarke and how broken she had looked. She was having a difficult time distancing herself from the blonde. Lexa had always told herself that feelings were weakness, and that she should never let anyone in so that she could protect herself from future damage. Yet, she left like Clarke was different. Perhaps maybe even an exception, minus the fact that Clarke 1. Had no apparent interest in Lexa and 2. Did not want a relationship. She sighed and closed her eyes as she rested her head on her arms.

“I hope you’re decent cause I’m coming in,” said a familiar voice. Lexa shot up and saw Clarke carrying a large bag of chinese food. 

“Raven and Octavia have taken over my apartment and I figured we could study together, that is if it’s okay,” said Clarke, biting her lip. She looked as if she already regretted her decision of coming over unannounced. Lexa got up from her chair and smiled at Clarke as she cleared off her daybed for them to sit down. 

“I’m glad you came over. I was having a hard time concentrating and didn’t realize I missed dinner,” said Lexa. Clarke grinned and started to unwrap all of the food. “Oh, and thank you for bringing dinner.”

Clarke snapped a pair of chopsticks and handed them to Lexa while she opened a box of fried rice and dumplings. Lexa grabbed her remote and turned on the TV so that they would have something to watch while they ate. 

“Hey Lex, I just uh wanted to say thank you for what you did the other night,” said Clarke. Lexa turned her head to look at the blonde and saw that she appeared to be nervous. 

“You’re welcome, Clarke. I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” said Lexa gently, her gaze softening. Clarke let out a deep breath and gave her a shaky smile. 

“I know that I need to make some changes. I actually just started seeing a new therapist,” said Clarke. 

“You don’t need to defend yourself in front of me, Clarke. I would never judge you,” said Lexa. Clarke frowned and searched Lexa’s green eyes. 

“What do you mean?” asked Clarke, who had stopped eating her food. Lexa swallowed and contemplated how to explain herself.

“Well, it’s just that I know that everyone has a different way of dealing with grief. I know that our situations are different but I would like to believe that I understand what it feels like to lose a parent,” said Lexa. Lexa watched as Clarke’s eyes widened in understanding. 

“I am so sorry Lexa, I forgot,” said Clarke softly. Clarke looked as if she wanted to ask a question but then stopped herself. She reached out for her hand and entangled their fingers together as she rested her head on her shoulder. Lexa felt her body stiffen at the sudden contact but then she quickly melted into her embrace. Her heartbeat was racing and she felt a warmness wash over her body that she hadn’t felt in years. For once she didn’t feel so alone. The two remained silent for a few minutes before Clarke’s phone started to buzz. 

“Mother fucker,” said Clarke as she rolled her eyes at the name on the screen. Lexa raised her eyebrow at Clarke who quickly put her phone down. The two finished up their food in comfortable silence and continued to watch TV. 

“Do you want to start studying?” asked Clarke with a yawn. 

“Nope. I’m having way too much fun watching this documentary about A Sloth Named Velcro,” smiled Lexa as she playfully pushed her shoulder. 

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not,” laughed Clarke. Lexa rolled her eyes and beamed up at Clarke. She felt Clarke start to play with the bracelets on her wrist and she let out a sharp breath. She closed her eyes and savored the feeling of Clarke’s fingers brushing against her wrist. It was almost intoxicating. 

“Where did you get your bracelets?” asked Clarke. Lexa looked down at her wrist and smiled.

“They’re Trikru and were handed down by my parents,” said Lexa softly. She watched as Clarke traced each bead with a gentleness she had never seen before. No one had ever asked her about her bracelets before and she had found that she never really wanted to explain them. But here she was telling Clarke something about her past that almost no one knew about. 

“They’re beautiful,” whispered Clarke. Lexa felt her breathing start to slow and gently placed her head on Clarke’s shoulder. 

“It’s the only thing I have left of them,” said Lexa quietly. 

“I’m sorry that you didn’t get to spend more time with them,” said Clarke. Lexa watched as Clarke continued to trace her bracelets and found herself lost in the sensation of being comforted. She brushed her hand on the watch Clarke was wearing and watched as she froze.

“Why do you always wear this watch? It looks like the battery died,” said Lexa.

“It was my Dad’s,” whispered Clarke, her voice starting to break. Lexa removed her head from Clarke’s shoulder and stared into her blue eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” said Lexa. Clarke blinked back tears and let out a low breath. Lexa unconsciously pushed the hair out of Clarke’s eyes and gave her a sad smile. She watched as Clarke’s eyes traveled down to her lips. She wanted nothing more than to feel the small pressure of Clarke’s lips upon her own. Clarke leaned in closer until their foreheads were touching and Lexa thought her heart was going to explode out of her chest. She could feel Clarke’s breath hot on her face and tried not to let a slight whimper escape from her lips.

Lexa suddenly felt a warmth spread throughout her body as her lips barely brushed Clarke’s before her phone started going off. Lexa jumped back in surprise and let out a shaky breath.

“For fuck’s sake,” swore Clarke as she answered her phone.

“Please stop calling me, Finn!” shouted Clarke into the phone. Lexa started to feel extremely uncomfortable. Lexa had almost kissed Clarke Griffin and she felt like she was going to pass out. 

“I told you I want nothing to do with you,” said Clarke. Lexa felt her eyes widen. She had assumed that Clarke and Finn were still together. Maybe it wasn’t so bad that Lexa had almost kissed her. Clarke angrily hung up the phone and chucked it across the room. 

“Sorry about that,” said Clarke as she ran her fingers through her hair. 

“It’s okay. We should probably start studying,” said Lexa. The two girls got up off the daybed and grabbed their textbooks. Lexa was trying her best to stay focused but found that she was useless when she was in the presence of Clarke Griffin. Clarke was laying on her stomach on her bed with a pen in her mouth and a look of pure concentration as she studied her art history book. 

Lexa ran her fingers through her hair and stared down at her case study. She let out a loud sigh and drummed her fingers against her desk. 

“Are you going anywhere for fall break?” asked Clarke. Lexa looked up from her desk and made eye contact with Clarke. 

“No, I’m staying here. What about you?” asked Lexa.

“Oh I’m staying here. I haven’t been home since…” Clarke trailed off. Lexa watched as Clarke started to play with the watch on her wrist. 

“We’ll have to watch more nature documentaries then. I’m sure you’re dying to watch Yindi the Last Koala,” said Lexa with a smirk. Clarke looked up and smiled. She looked almost grateful that Lexa had changed the subject. 

“I should get going,” said Clarke with a sigh. Lexa nodded and got up to walk Clarke out. 

“Clarke?” asked Lexa. 

“Hmm?” said Clarke as she reached the door. Lexa looked like she was trying to debate what to say.

“Good luck with your exams,” said Lexa. Clarke frowned but then quickly composed herself.

“You too. See you around,” said Clarke. Lexa watched as she walked out of the door and immediately felt the absence of her presence. She decided to stop studying and instead went on a run to clear her head. 

\--------

Lexa spent the next day at the gym trying to let go of all of her anxiety about Clarke and college. Lincoln had practically dragged her out of the library and forced her to work out with him to ease her tension. She decided that she was going to try not to worry about what the almost kiss had meant. For all Lexa knew it was a mistake. They had just finished their workout when Lexa bent down in exhaustion. She had taken off her tank top to reveal a black Calvin Klein sports bra. 

“Do you want to get dinner at my place,” said Lexa as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. Lincoln nodded and stretched his arms out in content. 

“We can jog over. It’s not very far from here,” said Lexa. The two friends got up and headed over to Lexa’s house, laughing as they chased each other down the street. 

\------

Clarke was staring miserably at her homework when her phone started to vibrate and light up. She looked down and grinned when she saw that Raven was calling. 

“Hey Ray,” said Clarke. 

“What are you doing right now?” asked Raven. 

“Attempting to do some homework,” sighed Clarke.

“Come over! We need to have a movie night. You’ve studied enough for today,” said Raven. Clarke smiled and started packing up her things. 

“I’ll be there in five,” laughed Clarke. She ended the call and then quickly headed out to Raven’s house. 

Raven was sitting down on the couch when Clarke walked in. She had been watching The Bachelorette when she yelped in surprise at Clarke’s sudden entrance.

“You watch this shit?” asked Clarke as she plopped down next to Raven. 

“There was nothing else on!” said Raven defensively. Clarke laughed and nudged her in the ribs. 

“How are things going with Finn?’ asked Raven. Clarke sighed and contemplated how to answer her question.

“We are in a weird place right now. I’m trying to spend some time away from him,” muttered Clarke.

Raven gave her a strange look but figured she wouldn’t probe further. Clarke and Finn were not your average couple.

“So what are we doing tonight?” said Clarke as she leaned back in the couch and relaxed. 

“I’m thinking we have a Netflix marathon.” grinned Raven. 

“Sounds good to me!” said Clarke, grabbing the remote from Raven’s hands and turning on The Walking Dead. They made it through half an episode before Lexa and Lincoln came bursting through the front door, breaking their concentration. Lexa was laughing at something that Lincoln had said and immediately smiled when she saw Clarke. 

Clarke returned the smile and found herself staring at Lexa’s glistening abs. Clarke had found herself thinking about Lexa ever since their almost kiss. These feelings towards Lexa were new and confusing. Sure, Lexa had been there for Clarke in more ways than one the past few months but it felt like she was suddenly seeing her in a new light. Lexa was one of those girls who didn’t know she was beautiful. She hardly ever smiled but when she did, she would light up the room.

She briefly had a glimpse of a tribal tattoo wrapping down Lexa’s back before she caught herself staring and quickly looked away. Clarke found herself smiling as she watched Lexa and Lincoln teasing each other. She had never seen this side of Lexa before and found it to be intoxicating. 

“Hey Clarke,” laughed Lexa as Lincoln wrestled her from behind. 

“What are you guys doing?” said Raven as she raised an eyebrow. Lexa laughed and slipped out of Lincoln’s grasp before he knew what was happening and ran to the kitchen. 

“Lincoln and I made a bet that the last one from the gym to the kitchen would have to make dinner,” yelled Lexa from the other room. She ran back in and grinned, placing her hands on her hips in victory. Lincoln rolled his eyes and crossed his muscular arms over his chiseled chest. 

“Looks like Lincoln is cooking for us tonight. Clarke, are you staying for dinner?” Lexa asked and she stretched her arms. Clarke fought back the urge to look at Lexa’s athletic body.

“Yes, Raven and I are having a Netflix night. You both are welcome to join,” added Clarke. 

“Sounds fun but I can only stay for dinner,” said Lincoln. “Speaking of, what should I make?”

“PIZZA,” said Raven as she continued to watch her show. 

“I’m not eating pizza after working out all day. Lexa tired me out,” said Lincoln. 

“Not my fault. School stresses me out,” added Lexa, tying her long brown hair up into a messy bun. Clarke watched as Lexa continued to walk around the house in nothing but a sports bra and running tights. She found herself wondering what it would feel like to brush her fingers over her tanned skin. Her eyes widened in shock when she realized what she had been thinking about. An intense feeling of heat had washed over her body and she attempted to look everywhere but at Lexa. 

“Linc, why don’t you just grill some burgers from the freezer. I’m going to shower off,” said Lexa as she ran up the stairs. Clarke let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in and watched in horror as Raven gave her a confused look. 

“Not even going to ask,” said Raven as she went back to watching TV. She felt her phone buzz and looked down to see that Finn had texted her.

Finn: Hey Princess, come over to the frat tonight

Clarke: I thought I made it very clear that I want nothing to do with you

Finn: That’s lame. We always have fun together. I’ll come get you tonight.

Clarke: Stay away from me, Finn. 

Clarke furrowed her brow and turned off her phone. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with Finn and his attachment issues. Lexa came back down the stairs and Clarke felt herself immediately relax. She always felt safe around Lexa. Perhaps it was because Lexa was always there when Clarke needed her. She had helped her so many times and Clarke couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Lexa was wearing a thin black shirt with grey sweatpants that hugged her in all the right areas. Clarke wondered if Lexa knew just how beautiful she was. She couldn’t help but stare at the way her shirt was riding up her abdomen. She smiled as Lexa pushed her wet hair to the side and fixed her glasses from falling down her nose. Lexa noticed that Clarke was watching her and she turned bright red before looking away.

“Dinner is ready, babes,” said Lincoln. The group walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Clarke grabbed a burger and quickly started to eat. She forgot how much she missed real food. She had been living off of ramen all week due to spending all of her time studying. 

“So Lincoln, when are you going to ask Octavia out?” asked Raven. Clarke watched as Lincoln almost choked on his food. “Save it. We know you guys like each other.”

“Oh um well,” said Lincoln. His face was turning slightly pink and he looked rather uncomfortable. 

“Let them figure it out for themselves,” said Lexa quietly. Lincoln gave her an appreciated smile and quickly started eating his dinner. 

“I’m just saying you should ask her out. She wouldn’t say no. That’s all I’m saying,” said Raven as she put her hands up in surrender. The group finished their dinner and helped clean up. Lincoln said goodbye and headed back to his apartment. 

Lexa, Clarke and Raven had decided to spend the rest of the evening watching The Walking Dead. Lexa had never really been a fan of the show but agreed since it meant she could spend more time with Clarke. They watched close to 4 episodes before Raven mumbled something inaudible and walked away to her bedroom. Lexa had taken out her book and was quietly reading while Clarke watched the show. She watched as Clarke’s eyes started to flutter shut and smiled. She continued reading her book with a sense of calmness that she hadn’t felt in months. 

Clarke looked utterly adorable when she was sleeping. Her hands were tucked under her chin and she had a small smile spread across her face. Sirens started blaring from the TV and Lexa tried to turn it down so that Clarke wouldn’t wake up. Unfortunately, Clarke shot up from the couch and looked like she had just seen a ghost. She started to shake uncontrollably. Lexa rushed over to her and put her hands on Clarke’s shoulders.

“Clarke! What’s wrong?” said Lexa. 

“I can’t…. I can’t…. breathe,” gasped Clarke. She looked around with wild eyes and put her hands over her ears as if to ground herself. Lexa quickly understood that the sirens must have triggered something deep inside of her. She grabbed the remote and turned off the tv before looking back at Clarke. 

“Clarke, it’s okay. Look at me,” she said gently as she knelt down in front of Clarke and grabbed her hand to place it over her heart. She felt like she had known Clarke her whole life and that her only purpose was to make her feel safe again. 

“I want you to concentrate on my heartbeat,” said Lexa. She watched as Clarke continued to cry but noticed that she was staring at her chest in concentration. 

“Count to ten with me, okay? One, two, three…” said Lexa in a soothing tone as she held onto Clarke’s hand. Clarke counted out loud with her and started to relax as she focused on the steady beat of Lexa’s heart. Lexa gently brushed Clarke’s blonde curls away from her eyes. 

“It’s okay,” said Lexa as Clarke closed her eyes. 

“You're doing great, babe,” breathed Lexa. She felt as if time and space had stopped and that the only thing that mattered was Clarke.

Clarke waited a few minutes before opening her eyes. She looked utterly defeated and it broke Lexa’s heart. She couldn’t understand how someone this wonderful harbored so much pain inside. She felt her let go of her chest and watched as she sank back down into the couch. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that. I should go,” said Clarke as she tried to sit up. Lexa put a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked into her blue eyes. 

“You don’t have to run away from me,” Lexa said quietly. She watched as Clarke sighed and laid back down. Lexa sat down next to her and brushed her shoulder up against hers. She grabbed the remote and put on a documentary about oceans to try to calm Clarke down.

“Are you okay?” asked Lexa gently. 

“Yes. The sirens just made me think about my Dad,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded and continued to watch the tv screen, even though she had no idea what was going on.

“I know what you mean,” muttered Lexa, almost to herself. Clarke raised her head and looked into Lexa’s green eyes. Lexa found her gaze to be unavoidable and beyond intense, as if Clarke was trying to figure her out. 

“This happens to you too?” whispered Clarke. Lexa closed her eyes and let out a slow breath. She contemplated whether or not to answer Clarke’s question but decided the hell with it. Maybe she could trust Clarke.

“Her name was Costia,” whispered Lexa. Very few people knew about Costia. Costia had been Lexa’s everything until it came crashing down. She didn’t want to get attached to anyone again. Yet here she was developing a feeling for Clarke that she couldn’t push away.

“She was killed in a car accident a few years ago. The pain never goes away but you learn how to live with it,” said Lexa gently. 

“I’m sorry,” said Clarke, taking Lexa’s hand and holding it firmly in her own. She then rested her head back on her shoulder.

The two girls continued watching the movie until Lexa felt Clarke fall asleep on her. She contemplated getting up but decided to let herself feel comforted by Clarke’s embrace. She gently grabbed the blanket beside her and covered them up while she watched the movie. The movie ended and Lexa gently nudged Clarke awake. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I should get going,” said Clarke as she got up from the couch.

“I can drive you home,” said Lexa. 

“That would be amazing,” smiled Clarke. Lexa watched as she stretched her arms and let out the cutest little yawn. 

“Let’s get you home,” laughed Lexa. The two girls walked out of the house and into Lexa’s car. She fumbled with the keys and started the ignition. She pulled out of the driveway and headed towards Clarke’s apartment. 

“What midterm do you have tomorrow?” asked Lexa. Clarke sleepily rubbed her eyes and let out another yawn.

“Art History. It’s going to be easy,” said Clarke. Lexa pulled into her apartment and parked the car. 

“Good luck tomorrow, Clarke,” smiled Lexa.

“Thank you so much for the ride and for everything tonight,” said Clarke quietly. 

“It’s no problem, Clarke,” said Lexa softly. Clarke bit her lip and looked like she was contemplating whether to get out of the car or not. Lexa watched in slow motion as Clarke leaned in and gently kissed her on the cheek. She felt her face warm at the touch and couldn’t help but smile.

“Night, Lex,” whispered Clarke. Clarke quickly unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car before smiling back at Lexa. 

“Night, Clarke,” she whispered to herself. Lexa waited until she knew Clarke had made it safely into her apartment before heading back home. She fell asleep with a book in her hand and a smile on her face.


	6. Chapter 6

The end of the exam week brought forth a sense of relief and peace for Lexa. She had spent countless nights curled up in her room studying her ass off but was pleased to say that she was confident that she had aced all of her exams. She hadn't been able to spend any time with Clarke and found herself aching to be back in her comforting presence. She had seen Clarke with Finn in the library but tried not to let her curiosity and jealousy get the best of her. For all she knew they were just friends, right? 

Lexa had overheard Raven talking to Octavia about going to a new bar tonight to celebrate the start of fall break. Octavia was gushing about Lincoln when Lexa walked in. Lexa watched as Octavia turned bright red. Lexa quickly walked back out but was interrupted by Raven. 

“Lexa, get back here,” said Raven. Lexa groaned and walked back into the room. 

“I think it’s time we set Lincoln and Octavia up. He always seems to be shy except for when he’s around you. Maybe you could go out with us tonight and play cuid,” said Raven with a wink. Lexa looked down at the brunette in front of her and saw to her surprise a vulnerability that she had never seen before. Octavia looked up at her with hopeful eyes and Lexa couldn’t help but smile. She would be lying if she said she didn’t think Lincoln and Octavia would make a perfect couple. Lincoln had spent every minute of their last workout session talking about how Octavia had said hi to him the other day. She wouldn’t tell Octavia this but she figured it wouldn’t hurt to nudge the two in the right direction.

“Alright, I’ll text Lincoln,” said Lexa with a small smile. Octavia instantly grinned and started talking about what she should wear. 

“We’re going to The Ark, by the way,” said Raven as Lexa texted Lincoln the details. 

Lexa had gone upstairs to quickly change before they were to leave for the bar. She put on a pair of black jeans and grabbed a white sleeveless shirt with a blue flannel to wear over it. She put her hair down and pushed it to the side before looking herself over in the mirror. Raven had mentioned that Clarke was going to be there and she couldn’t help but feel excited. 

\-------

The bar was packed with college kids and Lexa found it to be difficult to move around. Lincoln had shown up to the bar with his friend Nyko. They walked over to their group and said hello to everyone. Lexa watched as Raven nudged Octavia towards Lincoln and smiled when he offered to buy her a drink. Octavia winked at them before following Lincoln over to the bar. 

“Where the hell is Bellamy. I thought he was going to be here,” muttered Raven as she swirled the straw around in her drink. Lexa had grabbed a coke and was playing with the bottom of the napkin when she spotted a flash of blonde across the room. Clarke was dancing suggestively with another woman who appeared to be loving every chance she had at touching her. Lexa clenched her fist and glared over at the two. She watched as Clarke pulled the girl over towards the bar and let out a frustrated sigh. 

“Clarke is such a mess. She keeps running around with all these people so that she doesn’t have to deal with her emotions,” said Raven in an irritated voice. 

“I thought I was the only one who noticed,” muttered Lexa. Raven’s face softened as she looked at Lexa. 

“I’ve seen the way you look at her, Lex,” said Raven softly. 

Lexa tried to hide the surprise from her face. She lowered her gaze down towards her drink and tried to figure out what to say.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Lexa. She watched Clarke out of the corner of her eye and froze when she saw her walking towards their table. 

“Lexa! I’m so happy you’re here!” slurred Clarke as she wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. Lexa blushed a deep shade of red. She could smell the whiskey on Clarke’s breath and frowned. Clarke grabbed her drink and quickly finished it before smiling back at the girl she had brought over.

“This is Niylah,” grinned Clarke. Lexa kept her face neutral as she politely said hello. Raven, on the other hand, frowned.

“How much have you had to drink, Clarke?” asked Raven. Clarke closed her eyes and groaned.

“What, are you my mom or something,” said Clarke. Lexa watched as Raven narrowed her eyes.

“No, but maybe you should talk to her for once. You can’t keep running away from everything,” snapped Raven. Lexa watched as Clarke clenched her fists. She stared down at her wrist and saw that it was bruised. 

“Clarke, what happened?” asked Lexa as she went to inspect her wrist. Clarke flinched at the contact and quickly pulled away.

“It’s nothing,” said Clarke. Lexa searched her eyes for answers but came up empty. Clarke looked away and bit her lip. She looked over at Raven and tried not to hide how worried she was. Raven got up from her seat and went around to stand in front of Clarke. 

“Griffin, I think it’s time for you to go home,” said Raven. Clarke stared back at her with hollow eyes before quickly grabbing Niylah’s hand.

“I’m not going home with anyone except Niylah,” said Clarke. She pulled her back towards the dance floor and disappeared through the crowd.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do with her,” said Raven. Lexa tried to relax her jaw as she watched Clarke kiss Niylah. 

“At least Octavia and Lincoln seem to be having a good time,” said Raven. Lexa looked away from Clarke and saw Lincoln and Octavia holding hands in the corner. Lincoln gently brushed away a stray hair from Octavia’s face as he smiled down at her. 

“Looks like the pep talk I gave Lincoln is working,” smiled Lexa. Raven smiled back at her and ordered them another round of Cokes.

“Let's go play the pinball machine, Woods,” said Raven as she grabbed her hand. The two girls played arcade games until the crowd started to thin. Octavia had kissed Lincoln goodnight and was grinning from ear to ear as she walked back towards them.

“Lincoln asked me out on a date!” said Octavia. Raven slapped her on the back and Lexa couldn’t help but laugh.

“You guys are so cute,” smiled Lexa. Octavia beamed up at her and pulled her into a hug. 

“I heard you put in a good word,” said Octavia. 

“Well he’s my best friend and I figured he just needed an extra push,” replied Lexa.

Lexa saw Clarke emerge from a bathroom with Niylah and frowned. Octavia looked at Lexa and then followed her gaze towards Clarke. 

“Who is that?” questioned Octavia. 

“That’s Clarke’s new friend,” muttered Lexa. Lexa tore her gaze away from Clarke and saw Octavia giving her a puzzling look. 

“I think it’s time to leave,” said Raven. Lexa closed her eyes and focused on anything but Clarke. 

“Why is she doing this to herself? She deserves so much better,” said Lexa. Her vision was starting to blur and she could feel tears pooling in her eyes. Raven gave her a sympathetic look as she led her towards the car. 

“Clarke has been through a lot. Raven and I think she moves from person to person so that she doesn’t get too attached. It’s like she doesn’t want herself to be happy,” said Octavia. Lexa let out a frustrated breath and buckled herself into her seat as Raven pulled out of the parking lot. The three girls drove in silence until they dropped Octavia off at her apartment. 

“Text me when you know that Clarke is back,” called Raven as Octavia walked into her apartment. Lexa stared out her window as they drove back to their house. 

“Why hasn’t Clarke talked to her mother?” asked Lexa quietly. She didn’t understand how Clarke could ignore her mom. She would do anything to be able to talk to her mom. 

Raven drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she contemplated what to say. 

“I think that Clarke blames her mom for her dad’s death,” said Raven.

“Why would she do that?” asked Lexa.

“It’s complicated,” replied Raven as they pulled into their driveway. Lexa quietly got out of the car and walked up to her room. She laid awake for hours thinking about the hollow look in Clarke’s eyes before she finally let sleep wash over her. 

\-------

Clarke slowly blinked her eyes open and took in her surroundings. She had absolutely no idea where she was and who was sleeping next to her. She looked under the covers in fear but was relieved when she saw that she was wearing her clothes. She quietly slipped out of the bed and walked into the unfamiliar front room.

“What the fuck did I do last night?” Clarke muttered to herself. She suddenly felt extremely small and exposed and quickly ran out of the apartment and into the street. It was still dark out and she was having a difficult time getting her bearings. She quickly dialed Octavia and tried to calm down. Thankfully Octavia picked up on the second ring.

“O, I don’t know where I am,” cried Clarke. 

“Clarke, are you okay?” asked Octavia in a worried tone. 

“Yeah, I’m just scared. I don’t remember how I got where I am,” sobbed Clarke. 

“Hang on. I’m using Find My iphone. I’ll be there in 5. Don’t move,” said Octavia urgently. Clarke hung up the phone and sat down as she waited for Octavia to pick her up. She had hit a new low. 

Octavia arrived in record time and helped Clarke get into the car. They drove back in silence and didn’t start talking until Clarke was safely in bed. 

“Babe, you have got to stop doing this. You had all of us worried last night. Lexa looked like she was going to have a heart attack,” said Octavia. 

“Lexa was there?” asked Clarke. She suddenly felt extremely emotional. 

“Yeah, she helped set me up with Lincoln. She’s worried about you. We all are,” said Octavia softly. 

“There’s just been some stuff happening with Finn and I met that girl and she helped me forget,” said Clarke in a sad tone. 

“Babe, you have so many people around you who care about you. You don’t need to keep doing this,” whispered Octavia as she reached for her hand. 

Clarke’s mind kept drifting back to Lexa and how she wanted nothing more than to feel her comforting embrace. Clarke always felt safe when she was around her. She let out a miserable sigh and closed her eyes. She knew that her and Lexa would never work out. She didn’t think that she was good enough for her. 

“I’ll sleep in here tonight, babe,” whispered Octavia as she snuggled up next to her. Clarke let her play with her hair until she fell asleep. 

\------------------

Lexa spent her first day of fall break training in the gym with Lincoln. He had gone on and on about how excited he was to take Octavia out on their first date. Lexa couldn’t help but smile at how happy he was. They finally called it a day after spending almost the entire morning and afternoon in the gym. Lexa headed back home and took a long hot shower to wash away her tension from the night before. 

Bellamy had invited everyone over to his house to celebrate fall break and Lexa found that she had nothing better to do. She followed Raven into the house and looked around for familiar faces. Raven grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen where it was quieter. 

“Raven!! And Lexa! Wow look who decided to show up,” smirked Bellamy. Lexa rolled her eyes and looked around the room for anything that didn’t contain alcohol. She spotted a pack of Mountain Dew and grabbed a can. She watched as Raven started to flirt with Bellamy and decided that it was time for her to wander around. 

The house was packed with people she didn’t know. She searched everywhere for a sign of Clarke but frowned when she couldn’t find her. Lexa found herself walking towards the back room and found Monty and Jasper playing video games. She sat down next to them and watched as they played the game.

“What’s up, Lexa,” said Monty as he threw his controller in defeat. 

“Just enjoying being done with classes. I figured it might be fun to come,” said Lexa as she drank her Mountain Dew.

“LEXA WOODS HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!” yelled Jasper once he realized that Lexa was sitting next to him. Lexa rolled her eyes and playfully punched him in the arm. 

“I’m glad you came,” interrupted Monty with a smile. 

Lexa liked Monty and Jasper. They had only ever been nothing but kind to her. She spotted a flash of blonde out of the corner of her eye but was disappointed when she saw that Clarke was kissing Finn. Finn had Clarke pressed up against a wall and Clarke had her arms wrapped around Finn’s neck. Lexa felt like she was going to puke. 

“You okay?” asked Monty. Lexa nodded and turned her attention to the video game on the screen. 

“SHOTS!” shouted Miller and everyone rushed to grab glasses of clear liquid. Miller accidently ran into their couch and caused everyone to come clashing towards them. Lexa got up to get out of the way and collided with one of Finn’s frat brothers. She felt a cold liquid wash over her front and stared down in shock as the frat bro yelled at her angrily. 

“Nomonjoka,” muttered Lexa as she furiously ran away from the mess. She wasn’t looking where she was going and ran right into Finn and Clarke. 

“God watch where you’re going,” shouted Finn. He had carelessly dropped Clarke on the floor and had pushed into Lexa.

“Leave her alone, Finn,” said Clarke as she picked herself up. “Are you okay?” questioned Clarke as she tried to push past Finn. Lexa nodded and tried to move around the couple.

“That’s the bitch who spilled my Patron!” yelled Finn’s frat bro. Lexa clenched her fists and tried to stay calm. She turned around and looked the guy right in the eye. 

“You ran into me,” growled Lexa. She tried to count backwards from 10 to calm herself down but was struggling to do so. Her emotions were off from seeing Clarke with Finn and nothing seemed to be going right. 

“Do you even know how expensive this shit is?” yelled the guy. 

“That wasn't my fault!” yelled Lexa. 

“Oh fuck off,” said Finn, who had stepped into her personal space again.

“Why are you being such an asshole, Finn,” said Clarke as she grabbed Finn’s arm. Lexa watched in horror as Finn quickly turned around and smacked Clarke across the face, who quickly dropped to the floor in pain and clutched at her eye. Lexa’s vision turned red as she lashed out at Finn and punched him in the face. She felt her fist connect with bone. Finn’s frat brother came up behind her and elbowed her in the side of the head, making her see stars. She cried out in pain and quickly turned to punch him in the stomach. She was so focused on disarming the other guy that she didn’t see Finn jump back up. He managed to throw in a cheap shot and she felt his ring slice through her skin. Lexa retaliated and punched Finn hard in the gut.

“Lexa! What are you doing!” shouted Lincoln as he ran in between them and grabbed her arms to hold her back. 

“He hurt Clarke,” yelled Lexa as she tried to break free of his grasp. She was no match for his strength. “Let me go, Lincoln. I can handle this myself!”

“Fucking hell, Clarke, are you okay?” yelled Bellamy, who was now crouching next to Clarke. He stood up and grabbed Finn around the collar and pushed him hard against the wall. He punched him in the face and stared right into his eyes.

“Get the fuck out of my house, NOW,” shouted Bellamy. Bellamy threw Finn and his frat brothers out of his house. He was absolutely seething with anger but his face quickly softened when he saw Clarke and Lexa in pain.

“Party is over,” yelled Bellamy. Everyone quickly rushed out of the house. Octavia had ran over to Clarke and was kneeling down next to her. Clarke was sitting down on the floor crying. Lexa was having a hard time breathing and felt a small stream of warm liquid rushing down her head and into her eyes. 

“Lex, it’s okay,” said Raven, who had just appeared next to Lexa and Lincoln. She couldn’t get enough air into her lungs and her vision was starting to blacken. 

“She’s having a panic attack,” said Lincoln. He grabbed Lexa and ran into the other room to sit her down on the bed. 

“Lex, look at me, look into my eyes,” said Lincoln urgently. Lexa started to cry and her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest. 

“Look at me, Lex. Count with me, one, two, three...” said Lincoln, grabbing her hand and holding on tightly. Lexa’s body felt like it was covered in a million ants. She looked into his brown eyes and counted with him. Her body was slick with sweat and alcohol and the blood from her head was starting to pool into her right eye. Raven had grabbed a washcloth and was wiping the blood away from her face as Lexa focused on counting. 

“You’re okay, Clarke is okay, everything will be okay,” said Lincoln in a soothing voice.

“He hurt her,” cried Lexa. “I’ll kill him.”

“He’s never going to hurt her again,” said Lincoln in a reassuring voice. 

“Fuck right. I’ll beat the shit out of him if he even looks at her again,” growled Raven. “Fucking asshole.”

Lexa felt her breathing start to return to normal and closed her eyes. She hadn't had a panic attack in years. Thankfully Lincoln was there to calm her down.

“Lex?” whispered a familiar voice. Lexa felt herself instantly relax as she opened her eyes and saw Clarke looking at her with a face full of fear and concern.

“Clarke, are you okay?” said Lexa as she got up from the bed and ran towards Clarke. She pushed away any hurt she felt at seeing her with Finn and gently cupped her face. She looked for any cuts and found that she looked okay.

“I should be asking you that,” said Clarke as she eyed Lexa’s cut. Clarke gently touched Lexa’s head and she winced at the contact. She felt herself get dizzy and grabbed onto Clarke for support.

“You need stitches,” said Clarke softly. Lexa was so focused on Clarke that she didn’t see Raven and Octavia smiling at her as she held onto Clarke’s hand. 

“I’m fine.” said Lexa. Clarke looked like she was about to say something but was quickly interrupted. 

“Clarke, can you fix her head? I found the first aid kit,” said Lincoln, who had just walked out of the bathroom. Clarke looked away and grabbed the kit from Lincoln before motioning for Lexa to sit down on the bed. Raven brought a fresh washcloth over and began washing away the blood from her head. Octavia was talking quietly to Bellamy in the corner and Lincoln was starting to clean up the mess that Finn and his frat brothers had made. 

“This might sting,” said Clarke as she carefully placed an alcohol swab on Lexa’s cut. Lexa didn’t flinch once but instead looked into Clarke’s blue eyes. She found it cute how focused Clarke was on fixing her cut. Clarke placed a butterfly bandage on her cut and then stepped back. 

“We’ll need to check on that again tomorrow,” said Clarke as she breathed a sigh of relief. Lexa nodded and felt her body slack with exhaustion. 

“You guys can crash here for the night,” said Bellamy. The group didn’t feel like breaking apart after what they had just gone through and found it was best to keep an eye on Lexa and Clarke. 

“Is it okay if I shower first,” said Lexa. She was covered in alcohol and wanted nothing more than to feel clean. 

“Yeah sure. There’s a shower and towels in there. I’ll get you some clothes,” said Bellamy. Raven, Octavia, and Clarke walked out of the room and sat down on the couch. Bellamy handed Lexa fresh clothes and went to walk out of the room before Lexa stopped him.

“Hey Bell, thank you for backing me,” said Lexa softly. Bellamy’s face softened and he squeezed her shoulder.

“Thanks for defending Clarke,” said Bellamy. Lexa smiled and then turned to go to the bathroom. She turned on the water and slowly stepped into the shower. The warm water washed away all of the blood, sweat and tears from the evening and she immediately felt her body start to relax. She turned off the water and wrapped a towel around her body as she stepped out of the shower. Bellamy had laid out an oversized shirt and shorts for her to sleep in so she quickly changed and combed through her wet hair. She slowly walked back into the bedroom and saw that Clarke was sitting on the bed. 

“Is it okay if I sleep in here? Your presence calms me,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded and sat down next to Clarke. She watched as Clarke wrapped her arms around her legs.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” asked Lexa quietly. Clarke shook her head and stared blankly at the wall. Lexa ran her fingers through her hair and grabbed her phone. 

“Do you want to watch a disney movie?” asked Lexa. Clarke’s head perked up and she nodded. The two got up and laid back in the bed as Lexa scrolled through her phone for the Netflix app. She put her knees up and placed the phone against it. She had picked a random disney movie but wasn’t paying much attention to it. Clarke was staring blankly at the screen. Lexa snaked her arm around Clarke and pulled her close. She felt Clarke’s body start to relax as she hummed in contentment. 

Raven popped in to say goodnight and let them know that she was going to be sleeping in Bellamy’s room if they needed her. Lexa raised an eyebrow but decided against saying anything. Octavia was busy in the living room cleaning up with Lincoln and Bellamy. 

Lexa’s was lost in her thoughts until she looked down and saw that Clarke’s eyes were closed. Suddenly, she felt Clarke’s hand slide under her shirt and land on her hip as she pulled her in closer. Their legs were entwined and Lexa felt a peace she hadn’t felt in years. She waited five minutes before turning the movie off and placing her phone on the bedside table. 

There was no way in hell that Lexa was going to sleep tonight. She stayed awake for over an hour until she felt Clarke grab her hand. She turned over on her side to see sad blue eyes staring back at her. Clarke moved over closer to Lexa so that there were only a few inches between them. Lexa gently brushed the hair out of her eyes and saw to her disappointment that they were bloodshot. 

“Clarke…” said Lexa, her voice breaking. Clarke let out a heartbreaking sob and Lexa quickly pulled her into her chest. Clarke let her walls crash down while she cried into Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa rubbed soothing circles on her back and tried to calm her down. 

“Your heart shows no sign of weakness, Clarke,” said Lexa softly.

“You deserve so much better than him,” whispered Lexa almost to herself. She looked into Clarke’s blue eyes and tried to convey every ounce of emotion that she felt for her. Clarke continued to cry and Lexa made sure that she let it all out.

“I know that I do. He was just a distraction but lately he’s been so mean and then tonight….” she trailed off as she brushed the cut on Lexa’s temple. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize for what he did,” said Lexa. Clarke looked up at her and remained silent. “I just want to make sure that you’re okay. He should have never hurt you like that. I swear to god if he ever touches you again…”

“What did I do to deserve you,” said Clarke quietly. Lexa stopped rubbing her back and curiously looked down at her. 

“I told you that I would always have your back,” said Lexa as if it was the simplest answer in the world. Clarke curled up against her and let out a deep breath. 

“I know. You just seem to always be in the right place at the right time,” said Clarke, who had now closed her eyes. Lexa could feel Clarke’s body start to relax. She continued to rub her back and gently played with her soft blonde hair until she felt Clarke fall asleep. 

“Oso throu daun ogeda. Reshop, niron,” whispered Lexa. She closed her eyes and focused on Clarke’s breathing. She knew that there would be a lot of things to think about in the morning but decided to push them away and fell peacefully asleep, still holding onto Clarke.


	7. Chapter 7

Lexa woke up the next morning and saw that Clarke was still asleep. She quietly got out of bed and walked into the other room. Octavia and Raven were sitting at the kitchen table and both looked to be in deep thought.

“Morning,” said Lexa. The two girls looked up and gave her a weak smile. 

“Is Clarke awake?” asked Octavia. Lexa shook her head as she sat down at the table. 

“I think we need to call Clarke’s mom. I’m pretty sure last night wasn’t the first time that Finn has hurt her. And it doesn’t seem like anything we have said is getting through to her,” said Lexa quietly. Raven and Octavia somberly nodded and let out a miserable breath. 

“Clarke is going to kill us,” sighed Raven. 

“Clarke needs help,” said Lexa firmly. The two girls nodded in agreement. 

“Look, I’ve never really planned an intervention before but…” said Lexa as they began to plan.

\-----

Lexa spent the remainder of her fall break with Raven, Octavia and Clarke. They had finally decided to watch Orange is the New Black and couldn’t help but binge watch it in its entirety. They figured that it would be the best way to keep an eye on Clarke. Clarke always sat next to her on the couch and would occasionally fall asleep on her during their binge watching sessions. 

“What the hell happened to Piper. She’s so fucking annoying,” groaned Clarke. She snuggled into Lexa’s side and grabbed her hand so that she could play with her bracelets. Lexa smiled to herself and watched Clarke watch the show. They had managed to watch two full seasons during their break. 

“I don’t know. Piper could die for all I care,” said Octavia in a bored tone. She hadn’t been as enthusiastic about the binge watching marathon as the rest of them were. 

“I don’t want to go back to school,” groaned Clarke. It was Saturday afternoon and they started classes on Monday. Lexa kept nervously checking her phone. They had planned a meeting with Clarke’s mom in an hour and it was making her feel sick. She knew that Clarke was going to hate her but she didn’t know what else she could do. 

“Let’s head back to my apartment and watch. Clarkey, you can drive with Lexa,” said Octavia as they got up. Lexa turned off the tv and grabbed her hoodie from the couch. She quickly pulled it on and grabbed her keys as they walked out of the house. 

She gave Raven and Octavia a head start and then slowly drove to her apartment. Clarke appeared to be oblivious to the world around her and it made Lexa feel incredibly sad. They pulled into the driveway and walked up to the front door. 

“Why are you acting so weird? You’ve been quiet all day,” said Clarke. Lexa avoided eye contact with her and started to nervously play with her bracelets.

“I know something is wrong. You only do that when you’re nervous,” said Clarke as she pointed at Lexa’s wrist. 

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” whispered Lexa. 

“What did you do?” breathed Clarke. The two girls stared into each other’s eyes before Lexa parted her lips and began to explain. 

“What you would have done for me. I called your Mom. I’m worried about you,” whispered Lexa. She tried to stand tall as Clarke stared at her in shock. She watched as her face turned from surprised to angry in a flash. 

“Please don’t do this,” whispered Clarke. Just then, the door opened and Octavia grabbed Clarke’s hand to lead her inside. Lexa closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears from falling as she followed them in. Clarke’s mom was seated in the living room and looked beyond pissed. 

“Clarke Griffin, get over here right now,” said Abby as Clarke tried to run away. 

“I don’t want to talk to you,” gritted Clarke through her teeth. 

“That’s not up to you anymore, Clarke. Look what you’ve done to yourself!” shouted Abby. 

“You don’t get to judge me, mom!” yelled Clarke. Lexa watched in shock as the two continued to fight. She suddenly second guessed this entire situation and saw that Raven and Octavia seemed to be thinking the same thing. 

“Your father wouldn’t want to see you like this,” yelled Abby. Clarke whipped around and stared her mother right in the face.

“You don’t get to talk about what Dad would want. You killed him!” cried Clarke. The room suddenly went silent. Lexa could hear Clarke’s heavy breathing filling the tense air. 

“You killed him, Mom,” sobbed Clarke as she slumped against the wall. “You took him off life support when there was still a chance.”

Lexa felt like she was going to throw up. She had no idea what kind of pain Clarke had been hiding inside and now it was finally coming out. 

“He had no chance, Clarke, and you know it,” whispered Abby.

“You wouldn’t even listen to the doctors. I did and they said he had a chance but you just gave up,” sobbed Clarke. 

“Your father was as good as dead, Clarke. And you need to understand that I did what I had to do,” gritted Abby. Lexa started to get the vibe that Clarke’s mom was kind of crazy. She didn’t know all of the details but was starting to understand Clarke’s point of view. 

“Just leave me alone. I don’t want you in my life right now. You’re only going to make it worse,” said Clarke. Lexa watched as Abby got up from the couch and walked over towards Clarke with clenched fists. Lexa suddenly felt uneasy and jumped protectively in front of Clarke. 

“I think that it’s time for you to leave,” Lexa replied quickly. Octavia quickly walked to the door and opened it while Raven grabbed Abby and pulled her away from Clarke. Abby threw her hands up and marched away. 

“You’re ruining your life, Clarke. Don’t come crying to me when you figure out how much you’ve messed up,” said Abby as she stormed away. Lexa looked down at Clarke and watched as she buried her face in her hands and let out a loud sob.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” whispered Lexa. Clarke looked up at her with tear streaked eyes and shook her head. 

“Leave me alone, Lexa,” cried Clarke. “You can’t fix me. No one can.”

Lexa stared at her in shock and then felt warm tears start to slide down her face.

“Clarke, I’m not trying to fix you. I just want to help,” pleaded Lexa as she moved closer to Clarke. Octavia and Raven had quietly walked back into the room and were silently watching Lexa and Clarke. 

“Well look what you’ve done. There was a reason why I haven’t been home since my Dad died. I want nothing to do with her!” shouted Clarke. Lexa took a step back in surprise. 

“She’s your mom,” said Lexa. Clarke quickly stepped forward and glared up at her.

“Yeah, so what,” replied Clarke. 

“Well, I just thought that…” said Lexa.

“You wouldn’t understand, Lexa. You don’t have...,” said Clarke before Lexa interrupted her. 

“I don’t have a Mom. Yeah I know, Clarke,” said Lexa quietly. “I just thought that maybe if you saw your Mom it would make you feel better. Looks like I was wrong.”

Lexa felt a warm tear slide down her face as she stared into Clarke’s hollow eyes. She slowly closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath before she continued to explain. 

“I care about you, Clarke. I care enough to try every single way I can think of to get it through your head that you have people around you that love and support you. You’re not alone,” said Lexa softly. Clarke was looking at her in an unreadable expression. 

“You don’t ever have to see her again. We can help you. We can be your family,” said Lexa as her voice broke. Her knees started to feel weak but she refused to break down. 

“This is not your fault, do you understand me?" Lexa's voice was much more firm now as she spoke with a quiet intensity Clarke had never heard before.

Clarke stared at her in shock as the weight of her words came crashing down. She parted her lips to say something but then quickly closed her mouth. She didn’t know what to say to that and suddenly felt overwhelmed. She turned around and ran down the hall to her room and slammed the door behind her. She sat down against her bed and began to dry heave and cry. 

“Clarke!” shouted Octavia. Raven grabbed her from running after her and walked over towards Lexa, who was staring blankly at the ground in shock. She felt her body start to vibrate and placed her hands over her eyes to ground herself. 

“It's okay, Lex. Clarke just needs time to process everything. You didn't do anything wrong,” said Raven in a soothing tone. Lexa let Raven hold her as she tried to calm down. Octavia had silently gone to check on Clarke while the other two stayed downstairs. Clarke refused to let anyone in so Raven and Lexa decided to head back home. 

\------

Lexa left Clarke alone for a week. She didn't know how else to help other than by leaving her be. Octavia had said that Clarke had snapped and was finally starting to make meaningful changes in her personal life. She hadn’t spoken to Finn since the night of the accident and was adamant about wanting nothing to do with him. She had eased up on the partying and was starting to focus more on her studies. 

It was Wednesday night and Lexa had been reading the same paragraph for almost ten minutes before she closed her book shut. She remembered that Raven had told her earlier that she would be renting a study room in the library so she quickly packed up her things and headed over. Maybe a change of scenery would help her. Lexa opened the door to the study room and found that Raven was with Octavia and Clarke.

“Look who finally showed up,” smirked Raven over a pile of engineering books. 

“I couldn't concentrate at home. It was way too quiet,” said Lexa. 

“My thoughts exactly when we were studying in your room for Brit Lit,” said Clarke. Lexa looked up in shock. She hadn't expected to see Clarke there, let alone have her acknowledge her presence. 

“It’s how I usually study but today it was too much,” said Lexa as she sat down across from Clarke. She opened up her backpack and took out her political science notes. 

“That has got to be the most boring class ever, Lex,” said Raven as she eyed her textbook. 

“It’s the last class I need for my minor. It’s really not that bad,” said Lexa, who had already started to take notes from her textbook. Lexa snuck a glance up at Clarke as saw that she was blankly staring down at her notes. Her eyes looked dark and there was a frown tugging on her lips. Lexa hated how much it hurt her to see Clarke like this. 

Clarke’s phone vibrated on the table and Lexa watched as she picked it up. She bit her lip and looked worried. Lexa wondered who she was talking to.

“Earth to Clarke! Can I borrow your notes?” asked Octavia. Clarke jumped at the sound and gave Octavia her notes before looking back down at her phone. Lexa sighed and looked back at her notes. 

The group stopped talking and continued to study. Lexa found that she was making a lot of progress and felt good about her chances of acing all of her exams. Clarke appeared distant throughout their entire study session. Lexa looked down at her phone and saw that Lincoln had texted her asking if she could come to the gym for a quick workout. She decided that she had done enough studying for the day.

“I’ll see you guys later. Good luck with the studying,” said Lexa as she packed up and left. 

\-------

Clarke spent the rest of the evening studying and found herself to be the last person to leave the study room. She walked out of the library and groaned when she realized just how long she had been in there. The sky was dark and a few light posts were flickering. She wrapped her coat tighter across her body and held onto her phone in an almost deathly grip. She hated walking home alone at night. She suddenly had the creepy feeling that she was being followed so she started to speed up. 

“Clarke!” yelled a familiar voice. Clarke felt her body freeze up in fear as Finn ran towards her. 

“You can’t avoid me forever, Clarke,” yelled Finn. Clarke looked around for help but found that they were alone. She cursed herself for staying out so late. 

“Finn, please just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you,” said Clarke, turning her back on Finn and nearly sprinting away. She felt a hand grasp down hard on her wrist and twist her back. 

“Don’t touch me,” yelled Clarke as she stared at Finn in fear. She could already feel a bruise coming from his tight grip. He was moving closer towards her before she heard someone running full speed at her.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, Clarke!” said Lexa. She was panting and had just pulled out her headphones. Clarke looked at her in confusion before Lexa narrowed her eyes. 

“It’s okay. I just decided to go ahead and start walking,” said Clarke, who was now trying to keep her voice even and play along. Lexa watched as Finn took a step back before she gently placed a protective hand on Clarke’s back. 

“You need to leave,” said Lexa in a low voice. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I want to talk to Clarke,” snarled Finn as he stepped forward. Lexa quickly positioned her body so that she was standing protectively in front of Clarke. She felt Clarke start to shake behind her as she grabbed her hand. 

“Leave us now,” growled Lexa. Finn started to advance forward and it was if time had slowed down. Lexa quickly punched him in the throat and then twisted his arm around so that he was facing away from them as she pushed him away. Finn cried out in pain and stumbled to the ground. She quickly pulled Clarke away and headed towards her apartment. She only stopped when she was sure that Finn wasn’t following them anymore. She turned to face Clarke and stared into her scared eyes. 

“Did he hurt you?” questioned Lexa as she gently inspected Clarke’s wrist. It was all red and looked like it was going to bruise. 

“I’ll be okay,” muttered Clarke. Lexa frowned and searched Clarke’s blue eyes for answers. 

“What are you doing out here this late?” asked Clarke as she tried to change the subject. 

“I should be asking you the same thing. I went on a night run to clear my head. I thought you were with Raven,” said Lexa. Clarke sighed and stared down at the pavement. 

“Has he been following you?” asked Lexa. She looked genuinely concerned. 

“It hasn’t been happening that much. I don’t understand why he thinks I want anything to do with him. I’ve been ignoring him until now,” sighed Clarke. Clarke felt her knees start to weaken as the weight of the situation finally set in. She was extremely lucky that Lexa had found her when she did. 

“Thank you,” whispered Clarke. Lexa looked at her sympathetically but Clarke could see that there was a hint of anger hidden in her emerald eyes that was then replaced with a look of pure love. 

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” said Lexa gently. They walked in silence until they reached Clarke’s apartment.

“I’m sorry about last week,” said Clarke quietly. 

Lexa looked up at her in surprise.

“I know that you were just trying to help. A small part of me hoped that she had changed,” said Clarke sadly. 

“I never meant to hurt you,” said Lexa as she stared at her shoes. 

“I know you didn't. I should have realized that you were looking out for my best interests. You've been a really good… Friend and I can't thank you enough,” said Clarke. Lexa tried not to let the friend comment show how much it had affected her. She felt like Clarke had pierced a knife straight through her heart. She let out a low breath and nodded. 

“I told you before, Clarke. I have your back. Please don’t walk home alone this late. You can always call me,” said Lexa quickly. She said goodbye to Clarke and ran back to her house before she crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep.


End file.
